It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

It’s sentimental, ridiculously long and only occasionally funny

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

The best films of this genre always show a path and provide a takeaway for being a better person.

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS is regarded as one of the worst films ever made, a cheapjack 1964 effort mixing Christmas legend with outer-space peril. In many ways it's a throwback to the pulp adventures of the 1930s, with ol' Father Christmas himself taking on the role of the heroic saviour out to thwart a Martian plot.The only reason this is regarded as one of the worst films ever made is because was featured on various spoof shows such as MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 and RIFFTRAX. Watching it free of all that nonsense, it's certainly nowhere near the bottom; it's a cheap and trashy film, just the way we like them. It's worth remembering that this story is aimed at kids and kids alone, kids who won't be worried by the cardboard scenery and ham acting.The storyline is fast paced even though it doesn't make much sense. The laws of physics don't seem to apply in this film's universe. The characters are larger than life and the children invariably annoying, but I thought the Martian themselves were a hoot, what with their rubbery costumes and boot polish-smeared faces. The exaggerated line delivery is a lot of fun too. SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS is a bad film, but crucially it's a fun one too and certainly never boring.

There's not a thing that the filmmakers behind Santa Claus Conquers the Martians gets right, but right from the beginning their premise is so preposterous I'm not sure it could have even if it had been helmed by Richard Fleischer on a good day. This is about how martians - who we know are martians because of their awful, vomit-green paint on their faces and helmets that were bought at 1964's equivalent of Party City, despite them not coming from a red planet (for the brief seconds we see Mars it looks more like some green orb with some varying shades of things, I can't describe it at all for the life of me) - see that their martian children are too obsessed with the TV and a news reporter interview with Santa up at the North Pole. This leads them to come to Earth, they end up kidnapping two hapless kids first, and then use a robot (which doesn't do much) to kidnap Santa Claus so they can... do WHAT, exactly? Maybe the filmmakers thought they were going to make a sweet and dopey little children's movie, but what they got instead is alternatingly obnoxious and kind of insane in how the editing goes, not to mention the casting of John Call as a Claus who may just be TOO close to how kids picture Santa so that he becomes nightmare fuel instead. There's one particular martian named Dropo (Bill McCutcheon) who seems to be the biological father of Rob Schneider as far as being the kind of comic relief one wants to punch repeatedly to make him shut his face. There's also a couple of nefarious martians - one of which a Bryan Cranston stand-in and another who has a mustache halfway to Connery's hairy appendage in Zardoz and Daniel Plainview - who are so uptight that their performances can't help but be laughable.I think it's advisable to go the MST3K and/or Rifftrax route for this one, but I would be curious to some day watch it without the addition of the commentary. It's so bad that it's mesmerizing at certain times, from the stultifying acting and extremely cheap sets (at one point, and this is when they're still on the ship I think, the martians put a couple of the kids in what looks like a broom closet, no mock-up done to it at all), and how it's all done with a completely straight face. It's almost excusable how one note the child actors are (if they even are actors, I think a couple of parents lost their children at the bus stop and they were plugged in to this for a week or two), but what undoes any even shred of good-will is that its Santa does the same "conquering" in scene after scene: he will make the martians LAUGH until they're uh still green in the face.This all leads up to a climax where one of the martians is defeated by, you guessed it(?) Santa using his dark arts to use the toys to attack him with their cuteness and toy-ish ways. The way the editing, in a montage style that I'm sure (no, I'm not) was lifted from the Eisenstein cookbook, cuts back to a laughing Santa Claus during this makes it look like he could be a serial killer instead of jolly ol' St. Nick. From the consistently terrible dialog, an occasional appearance by a newsman that looks like a marionette, and the first screen appearance by, uh, Pia Zadora(!) this is a complete mess, but a lot of fun.(PS: In full disclosure I did watch this with Rifftrax Live, and it made for a spectacular experience)

I still very much appreciate its spirit, both in terms of no-budget filmmaking and sense of fun. I wish that the films of today could have even a fraction of its good-natured mischievous approach. Certainly film studios could learn a thing or two, in this ridiculous era of quarter-of-a-billion-dollar blockbusters. I for one don't need the equivalent of 'having my eyes masturbated', as one cinema critic so lovingly stated.I would prefer watching this in a second over any of the ham-fisted, cash-soaked holiday atrocities made in the past three decades (I believe 'A Christmas Story', and perhaps 'Elf' and 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation' to be the last decently-made Yuletide films).But don't take MY word for it...see it for yourself (without the stupid and condescending MST3K commentary) and make your OWN conclusion.

The title alone is ridiculous, but growing up in the 70's/80's this was one of those films shown during the holiday's every year and for some reason you watched it. The costumes, set design are very low budget. As an example, the martians are painted green (because that's what martians would look like from the red planet), and the clothing they wear is....you guessed it, green. Including the helmets, boots, etc...Tom Hatten subjected the youth on weekends to this I believe, as a way to prove that holiday films could only get better in the future. If you were a fan of this film when you were young, re-watch it alone before subjecting your children to it so you can remember just how 'good' it was. Unless of course, you wish to cause them pain and regret spending time with you. I suggest if you are a divorced parent, you choose one of the Rankin holiday animated classics if you want something that hearkens back to your childhood.