Touches You

Good films always raise compelling questions, whether the format is fiction or documentary fact.

The thing I enjoyed most about the film is the fact that it doesn't shy away from being a super-sized-cliche;

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

Horror novelist Bob (the hopelessly wooden William Bates) and his girlfriend Shirley (voluptuous knockout Pat Barrington, who does delectable double D duty as the gold girl) are searching for a cemetery that will serve as inspiration for Bob's latest story. The couple stumble across the pernicious Emperor of the Night (a gloriously fey and histrionic portrayal by Criswell) and his equally nefarious cohort the Black Ghoul (cute Vampira clone Fawn Silver), who force the pair to watch a variety of doomed distaff souls who bump and grind nude in front of them.Director Stephen C. Apostof certainly delivers on the tasty T&A while also treating the absurd premise with a certain endearingly clunky sincerity. Edward G. Wood Jr.'s ridiculous script boasts a wealth of hilariously overripe dialogue (all-time favorite line: "Torture! Torture! It pleasures me!"). The slight story and plodding pace further add to this film's singularly screwball charm. The ten dances contained herein range from the extremely silly -- the Native American fire dance complete with war chants on the soundtrack has to be seen in order to be (dis)believed -- to the genuinely sexy, with redhead Coleen O'Brien's street walker routine and Nadejda Klein's sultry slave girl number rating as definite sizzling highlights. The fog-shrouded graveyard set provides an appropriately goofy ooga-booga atmosphere. A crummy mummy and dimestore werewolf supply groan-inducing comic relief. Robert Caramico's vibrant color cinematography astutely captures all the eye-popping naughty sights. Jaime Mendoza-Nava's groovy score hits the right-on swinging spot. A total kitschy hoot.

This one definitely belongs into the category 'So bad they're good' - the curious little 'story' about a young couple finding themselves at a graveyard at night and unwillingly witnessing the 'shocking' activities of the undead dead is nothing but a pretext for a fanciful striptease show; half-naked 'dead' girls dancing and being punished by the sadistic 'Emperor' for the bad things they did in life - one of Ed Wood strange fantasies, it seems...But we must admit that the producers chose some very well-shaped young women for their acts, almost fit for the Moulin Rouge; so the dances alone are worth watching for lusty gentleman, and not only. And above all, the bizarreness of the whole 'plot' - that, at the time of the film's making, went about just as far as it could without being stamped a porn movie - makes it kind of unique: the creepy settings with tombstones and fog, the 'wardens' with their whips, the delight with which the 'Emperor' follows and explains the 'punishments'; all this gives an almost nostalgic note for today's viewers to this colorful (in every sense of the word, no doubt) nonsense.Ideal for voyeurs, and for horror fans with a BIG sense of humor!

I thought this movie was 1,000 times better than I was expecting. You actually get to see real women with real boobs dancing around in color from the mid-sixties! What more could a man want!?! I grew up watching Ann Margaret, the Gold Diggers, and Batgirl running around in sexy outfits. I always wanted them to drop the skimpy outfits, but they never did...what a frustrating youth! ALL of the women in this movie have nice bodies that are very physically fit. They're not like those corn-fed dames from the 50's burlesque films that look like they could play pro football. The Volcano girl was outstanding, with a perfect body. Any man that whines about this film has to have zero testosterone in his system.I actually read all 81 reviews trying to get some leads on other films like this from the 1960's, and I was shocked by all the apologists and whiners. Have we really gotten to the point as a society where the naked human form is to be ignored and scorned? It's unbelievable how many people panned this movie! It's a titty movie people! Wake up!! Maybe the problem is that Ed Wood's name is attached to it, so a bunch of asexual geeks that watch MST3K came to this movie expecting "horror". Sorry guys, all we have are T&A - sorry to disappoint you. Now I know how Austin Powers felt when he woke up in the asexual 90's. Give me the swingin' 60's anyday! (I know Rob Zombie would like this movie because he always had naked women from this era playing on the screen behind the band during White Zombie shows. Rob Zombie hates all you little homo's that couldn't appreciate the sublime beauty of Orgy of the Dead.)

The only true Woodsian touches in this film (he didn't direct it), are the thoroughly ludicrous 'mummy' and 'werewolf' characters. Much like his 'aliens' from 'Plan 9', they seem to be pretty regular joes. For a 'mummy' and a 'werewolf'.And of course, there is the ridiculous Criswell. He's always a hoot.But this movie is short on hoots and overly long on 'hooters'. Basically, the whole movie is a strip show, featuring a variety of resurrected 'ghoul' women doing the bump and the grind.Although I am a flaming heterosexual, I must admit that halfway through this film, I was thoroughly tired of looking at women's mammary glands. Of course, it is presumptuous to expect any sort of plot in a movie of this type. So get ready for.... you know what? More bazongas!Some of the girls are o.k., even spirited, for dead ghouls. But none are memorable, and I lost track of the pairs of bazoomies I was presented with here.This could have been a fun movie. I'll stick to my old Lily St. Cyr short films. Now that gal was smoking!