Just what I expected

Best movie ever!

Good films always raise compelling questions, whether the format is fiction or documentary fact.

Let me be very fair here, this is not the best movie in my opinion. But, this movie is fun, it has purpose and is very enjoyable to watch.

Here's my simple and short plot summary – A group of dorky Taekwondo practitioners, who also happen to be college roommates and bandmates, find themselves doing battle with a group of motorcycle riding drug dealers, who also just happen to be expert martial artists. Miami Connection (not sure why it's called Miami Connection – most of it is set in Orlando) is a real stinker. Just look at that plot. The story is beyond ridiculous. It's actually more stupid than it sounds – singing college-going ninjas battling drug lords – yeah, right. Words fail me when trying to describe the ineptitude on display. The acting and direction are abysmal. Why am I not surprised to discover that almost no one involved with Miami Connection has any other credits on their resume? The music will annoy you long after the film ends. The song about friendship reminded me of something straight out of an ABC After School Special. It's an earworm that keeps on giving. Finally, the fight choreography is surprisingly bad. I say "surprisingly" because it's obvious that Y.K. Kim is actually a solid martial artist. Unfortunately, it doesn't translate well to the screen.So, if Miami Connection is as bad as I say, why the 5/10 rating? Well, despite the plethora of problems, this movie is still entertaining. It may be entertaining for all the wrong reasons, but it's still entertaining. I honestly laughed out loud several times. I watch movies for entertainment and I got a fair amount of entertainment out of Miami Connection. If you "enjoy" bad movies, this one should not be missed.

When people make a trash movie, they are usually aware of that. Unfortunately, I don't think that's the case here.Even by trash standards, this movie is very bad. As if somebody copied some ninja movies by mixing very poorly performed martial arts with the most stupid plot ever. When you add to that some ridiculous gory scenes, very cheap "special" effects, horrible dubbing and even more horrible acting, all followed by cheesy music with even cheesier lyrics, then what you get is not a trash movie, but a plain trash. Not one scene can be considered even barely watchable and those who took part in making this crap only made fools out of themselves and now have to live with that 'till the rest of their lives.I guess somebody may find this trash amusing (and only in cases of serious intoxication) but I'm not one of those people. This is a disgrace for martial arts and an insult for the brain and it's a real shame that I can't rate this with a zero.

I had the suspicion that the lead actor YK Kim, who also directed the film (uncredited) and basically backed the making of the film, wasn't a professional in the movie industry, and I was right. He was a Tae-kwon-do instructor, apparently (according to here on IMDb) very popular in Orlando (though the movie is shot there and Miami) and there's even a point in the middle of this movie where everything just stops - whatever there was in the story that one could follow, if barely - and we see a demonstration of his skills. And I don't mean in a fight, I mean with him and John, played by Vincent Hirsch, demonstrating their skills in like practice mode. Not that there still isn't some requisite slow-motion cinematography of course, and (as if anticipating Zack Snyder by 20 years) sometimes going into slow-motion just briefly in a shot, and then going back to regular speed. Because you got to see that foot grab on to a dude's nose! Miami Connection is some silly stuff, but done in the 1980's, and the movie never lets you forget it. Despite Kim most likely being more into the fights than the actual filming or acting, he did know to get some production designers and just, you know, people off the streets from Florida at the time to get that 80's FEEL. The hair is there, the clothes, the music... good lord the music. There's a moment when one of the bands is playing on stage - not the 'friendship' one, the 'Against the Ninja' song with the girl singing, and I swear if you look around the room it's not smoke going up around the air, it's cocaine. It's somehow made the room smoky.There is a plot involving coke deals, and rock-n-roll ninjas, and bikers at some point, and other ninjas who looks like a lift from every other ninja movie ever made (with the fleet of black-suited ninjas with the white-suited master - because, you know, camoflauge), and characters who you kind of see some relationship going on, and then the one black guy will get a letter and pour out a monologue about his parental troubles and... plot? Perhaps it's so simple but it goes to show that the filmmaking muddies it all up. Far as I can gather is this: the motorcycle ninjas are the bad guys, smuggling in drugs, and the rock band Dragon Sound (haha) is tired of it, and their master (played by Kim) is going to take it to them and stop what they're doing for good.The French Connection this certainly is not. And if you're by chance going into it thinking it'll be any good, you will be mistaken; this 7/10 rating is in large part due to the guilty pleasure factor. Actually, that's not true in that I don't feel much guilt in laughing about this movie, and staring at times in slack-jawed disbelief at the ineptitude of things like audio dubbing of lines (it's so bad it makes The Room look professional), and the moments when in the fights (and those make up most of the running time) things just get ridiculous. Watch when any time super-violence gets into the mix, anything to do with blood and gore, and the filmmakers don't skimp on that, not in the least.But why it's so pleasurable is that there's a kind of innocence to the whole enterprise. This Tae-kwon do master just wanted to expand his horizons and try something different, and somehow with his collaborators - most of them as inept as he at making movies, but passionate about martial arts and, you know, all things 80's and wussy rock & roll (seriously, these songs, the Ninja Turtles do a better job in Coming out of Our Shells). It's bad, but you don't feel bad watching it, and with a bunch of friends at home, or with the right crowd in a theater, I'm sure it's a blast. Oh, and watch for any LONG montages, including one on a beach where they're just driving along, and they cut to a shot of a couple supposedly meant to be still on the beach... after the tide's come in!

It doesn't take long into watching "Miami Connection" to come up with a sizeable list of various kinds of ineptness to be found in it. But I want to start off by listing a few positive things about the movie. It is well photographed and lit, including the night sequences. Plus, the themes of friendship and loyalty found in the movie are commendable. And I can't say that the movie is *boring*. But more often than not, the movie gets away from being boring by being amusingly inept. The acting is incredibly bad; it's easy to see that none of the cast is a professional actor. The fight sequences are awkward. The songs are awful, but catchy enough that you won't be able to get them out of your head. And don't let me get started on the motorcycle ninjas! Is this a classic so bad that it's good movie? In my opinion, no - it isn't *quite* that aggressive in its badness. But with modern so bad that they're good movies being nearly impossible to find these days, this is adequate enough to feed your appetite for cinematic silliness.