The Worst Film Ever

If you don't like this, we can't be friends.

In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

Actress is magnificent and exudes a hypnotic screen presence in this affecting drama.

Okay, so maybe 'classic' is a little generous to describe Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell's collaboration 'Tango and Cash,' but just because it isn't up there with 'The Godfather' doesn't mean that it isn't a whole load of daft fun. Our two action heroes play the two titular characters – both 'hero' cops in L.A. who get framed by a mob boss for a crime they didn't commit and have to then go about proving their innocence.Stallone and Russell make it watchable as they're both clearly enjoying themselves in their roles (special mention to Kurt when he dresses up in women's clothes!) and that's about all the film is good for. Jack Palance is the villain whose scenes seem to have been filmed after the filming and then just dropped in afterwards. He does his best to be menacing, but because he never properly interacts with our heroes, he seems almost a bit redundant.You may have heard the phrase 'suspend your disbelief.' Well, this is one film where, if you're to get anything out of it at all, you have to do just that. Nothing really makes sense if you scrutinise it. The story bounces from one action-packed ridiculous scene to the next with no real explanation for what has gone on in order to get our protagonists to that stage. It almost feels like a computer game where you're watching one stand-alone level after the next.I enjoyed 'Tango and Cash,' but I'm quite aware that some people will find it too ridiculous to appreciate. When I watched it, my group were laughing at just how bizarre and totally stupid things were getting. Take, for example, the scene where our cops are finally sent to prison – the head mob boss visits them one night – yes, he actually 'breaks in' to prison – then, when the fighting starts, he just 'breaks out' again and no one really says anything. Then you have scenes involving car chases where the heroes' vehicle changes from one scene to the next. It's just bad. But, like I said, if you're in the mood to suspend your disbelief, it's actually quite good fun.Sure, it may be a 'poor man's Lethal Weapon' but if you like your 'buddy cop' movies loud and dumb, you should get something out of this. Did I mention Kurt Russell 'drags up?' Just don't get me started on one of the henchmen's awful attempt at a cockney accent!

Hilarious! A sweatpant fantasy by two inimitable retards acting within an unparallel series of deranged scenes, a film that would have served far better in a fictional novel, focused to tell the story of the bedtime delusions of an overdosing drug addict, plunged within the depths of an unending state of paranoid dementation.A movie inundated with stereotypical absurdities at nearly every moment, is no wonder why the only viewers to cite this movie with any realistic appreciation, could only suffer from an immense degree of infinite gullibility.Hollywood must be in utter admiration for a musclebound airhead to leap the stage, that thinks as if his brain was lodges up his ass, and utters every word from his mouth as if his tongue was swallowed in his throat, but what about those big arms of his? The film would have been much more fit for view, if the two of these flagrant neanderthals tied bandanas around there hollow heads and screamed cowabunga, but how could they well have done that without ripping off a classic youth movie, no less a cartoon, that yet displayed far greater intellect and creativity to it's viewers?

This was the first real action flick I ever watched as a kid, so maybe it's nostalgia.Maybe instead, it's all of the awesome one-liners in this movie.Don't get me wrong: this is a super campy 80s action flick, and the cheese is very thick.But it's still an absolutely wonderful movie.Between Brion James' laughably bad cockney accent, to Jack Palance's eminent awesomeness, this movie has everything: completely unnecessary nudity, plenty of profanity, people jumping from explosions, and a little bit of the awesome Clint Howard!This is one of the few movies I can watch again and again and again.So if you want an evening with a little bit of 80s campiness, and you've already watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles recently, this movie's for you.

Tango and Cash is one of those films that people can get a huge amount of enjoyment out of when taking it for what it is, or there will be others who'll find it not to their taste. From personal taste, there are a number of shortcomings but I cannot bring myself to hate it.Pros: It's stylishly made, if very 80s, and competently directed, nothing comes over as amateurish. The soundtrack does pulsate with energy and is easy to remember, if a little intrusive in places(not that that is uncommon in action films). The script is snappy and delivered like dynamite, the banter between Stallone's Tango and Kurt Russell's Cash is a lot of fun. The story on the whole while very silly and predictable but it doesn't really ever become dull and it is easy to follow, the standout scenes being the opening, which is one of those scenes that sets things up so well it makes one excited for what will happen next and the brilliant prison escape, the prison scenes in general are among the better scenes in the film actually. The action, while very over-the-top, is decently edited, cool and endearingly kitsch without feeling too much. Sylvester Stallone is charismatic and effectively low-key and shows that he is at ease in the action scenes, his comic timing while much criticised in general is pretty good here, while Kurt Russell is a witty, soulful partner, the two of them being a well-matched pair. It is not everyday where you see Russell in drag, don't worry it is not as weird as it sounds.Cons: Tango and Cash does have problems. The biggest problem is that it falls apart in the final 10 minutes, an ending so disappointing that it's easy to bring the film down more than one notch. It loses the energy that the rest of the film has and it goes well overboard in the silliness factor, with the slapsticky final fight feeling out of kilter. The main villain Perrett's comeuppance is also very anti-climatically handled. Teri Hatcher is probably at her sexiest here but her acting feels vapid. More problematic are the villains, here are very stereotypically written(especially Perrett, the drugs baron stereotype has been done a number of times and nothing interesting is done here) and only Brion James, here looking as if he is having so much fun, is memorable. You'd think that Jack Palance, a master of suavity, deadpan and intimidating menace, would be, but here he gives one of his weakest performances but it is not helped by that he is very underused and that he is the most clichéd character in the whole film. Palance was a great actor, and excelled better than most in villain roles but this is a portrayal where he does try way too hard that he's almost pantomimic, it also manages to be quite bland compared to his usual standard. His henchmen are even more blandly written, and sees James Hong in a rare completely uninvolved performance.All in all, won't work for some and it is a long way from flawless but still incredibly entertaining and has a good deal of charm. Don't expect sophistication, anything new or depth, you'll be disappointed. In its defence though Tango and Cash never strived to be that kind of film. But if you are looking for an enjoyable, switch-your-brain-off-at-the-door film, there is a good deal to like. 6/10 Bethany Cox