Too much of everything

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Fresh and Exciting

As Good As It Gets

Plot Synopsis: A doctor & detective are investigating a series of rapes where the women have been disfigured by some kind of acid & have a strange substance in their wombs. All the victims were also virgins at the time of the attacks. What they don't know is that the women have been impregnated by an alien creature that has come to Earth to breed.Film Review: Breeders has the rather dubious distinction of being one of the first ever direct-to-video genre films to be released during the mid-1980s. This is just as well considering that this film would have died a horrendous death at the box-office. The film's director, Tim Kincaid, is undeniably the worst ever genre director of this era, having made the craptacular 'efforts' MUTANT HUNT, ROBOT HOLOCAUST & produced NECROPOLIS. After making these films, Kincaid has gone onto a career as a porn director.Breeders is without a doubt one of the worst genre films ever to have come out of the 1980s (it would have been THE worst if not for the likes of R. O. T. O. R. coming out three years later). The main problem is that Kincaid has no sense of style or even a basic idea of how to shoot a film. All he does is place actors in certain spots, get them to recite their lines off an unseen cue card & never move the camera around or at least edit the action. The only thing Kincaid does right is to film supple flesh like he is making a porn film.Speaking of porn, Breeders is basically pornography posing as science fiction. The film has a message that will prove offensive to anyone who has a conservative viewpoint – that virgins are asking for trouble & that the only way to stay safe is to be sexually active. Here, virgins are looked down with disdain, even pity. This would have been enough were it not for Kincaid's sheer ineptitude – one of the victims (who happens to be a virgin) has a habit of doing aerobics workouts in the nude after snorting cocaine. Another victim strips off in order to cook some food. Both women are then attacked by a cheesy-looking insectoid alien – that's basically the plot of the film.If that isn't enough, Breeders has a very poorly written script. It is obvious that Kincaid has not thought out the script well enough – it is never made clear just how many aliens are out there, with the film depicting humans being possessed by the aliens. It is also unknown as to how Ed French's doctor knows about the alien lifeforce & how he became infected.

I called my review simply: "the Worst Movie I Ever Saw" because I couldn't find more accurate words to describe the horror I viewed on my TV. I have never said that I despise a movie or that it's the worst. Even the ones on Sci-Fi (SyFy???) are mildly entertaining because they are so bad. Usually a movie has something that will redeem it so I can't say it was absolutely terrible. This movie however has no redeeming qualities, it's exactly as the others who hated it here describe and I hate myself for having subjected myself to this monstrosity.Following is the review I gave it for my own well being...I had to do something with the thoughts of disbelief swirling around in my head after watching it.I recently saw a movie that was unbelievably terrible in every aspect of all that is shitty. You see, when the digital conversion thing went through last year and people without cable had to get the converter, those who had regular un-digital cable, like us, were able to get a digital converter box. When that happened, all of a sudden we were able to get Comcast on Demand. A perk of this service of course being, free movies that we are able to watch on demand.Well, my husband was searching through the free movies and stops at this one called "Breeders". We read the description given for it and it sounded at the very least tolerable with promise of maybe being good.From the moment the movie started until the second it ended I felt my jaw stretching open more and more as I was unable to close it from the sheer shock of how utterly terrible this piece of crap was. The storyline was the stupidest thing I ever dared to think someone would write about, the acting was below sub-sub-par, and when I say special effects, I mean that there weren't any. This film needed a whole lotta something. Namely that it should have never been made. What a waste of time and $5.00.I remember thinking I felt bad for the actors in it because they probably thought this could have been their big break. Holy crap, they were probably all ordered to be executed so that the world might move past the tragedy they helped to create on screen.I really couldn't believe it. This "masterpiece" was made in 1986.

If that's what you're looking for, you'll find it in Breeders, a classic of oozy 80s video sleaze. Turning on its head the horror convention that sex means imminent death, the title creatures here target virgins only for their jollies. Luckily for them, New York City seems to be populated pretty plentifully with model-quality maidenheads.Director Tim Kincaid previously made gay pornographic films, but here displays a welcome and unashamed willingness to linger over the female form (just wait until you see the breeders' Alienesque love nest at the end, with several naked and moaning victims wallowing in white slime). Charmingly cheap as the monster effects are, and however shoddy the script might be, you have to give the people who made this credit for added production value in gourmet flesh - even if the alleged virginity of most of it is dubious.Breeders moves along at a fairly nice pace, doesn't overstay its welcome, and gives trash lovers what they want. Go in without overly high expectations and have fun with it, maybe as a solid second-rate second feature on a late night double bill with C.H.U.D. or Syngenor.

I was going in my back catalog of my old fango's when I noticed a summary by Dr. Cyclops about this movie. One of those cheesy turkeys so I had to see it. On the net you could get it for under 1 euro so what could hold me. When I watched the box I was surprised that it came out on the MGM label but I was warned, no stills on the back of the cover so nothing to tease. Only 5 minutes into this turkey it was clear that it would be bad, when a girl get attacked by the so called alien her breast is shown, big laugh, it's going to be that kind of flick. The alien attacks but hey, isn't that a man dressed in a 50 monster flick costume? And hold a minute, isn't that a glove he's wearing. And look, his feet are just painted boots. Wow, there is worser in film land but this has to be seen to be believed. And when one of the guys changes into the alien you just have to watch his neck, there's the latex ending of the "special effects". And then suddenly the movie changes into, watch this girl undress, they undress for no reason. One is on a photo shoot, when they break she just undress, all shown in full frontal nudity. When a girl arrives at home her mothers rings her up, making her phone call she undresses until all is shown. Big fun, and sometimes the alien attacks. I guess 5 girls are showing off, that's what the movies about. Nudity with some cheesy alien attacks. And yes, the plot change at the end, of course the mother alien is dead but are those aliens dead? of course not, a guy in bed with his new girlfriend turns his face and you almost see him turning on his mask to become that terrible alien. Man, did they really mean to make a good movie or was it just for laughs. And I didn't say anything about the acting...I guess the T&A were more clever than the girls...