Purely Joyful Movie!

Don't Believe the Hype

Bad Acting and worse Bad Screenplay

It’s sentimental, ridiculously long and only occasionally funny

**SPOILERS** Somewhat ridicules movie staring world champion muscle man Franco Columbu playing the part of recently retired Interpol Agent Franco Armando aka Code name "Beretta". Franco's quiet and easy life of pumping up with his good friend and fellow muscle man Arnold Schwarzenegger, at the local World Gym, riding his Harley and dancing on the grape, by making his own and favorite wines, quickly comes to a sudden and unexpected end at the start of the film Beretta's Island. That's when Franco's informed, through the Interpol grape-vine, that Columbian drug dealers are setting up shop in his hometown of Ollolia Sardinia.Reinstated into Interpol and back in action Franco shoots down to Ollolai to put a stop to this threat to the people of Sardina who have never had a serious drug problem, like the US, before. The drug gang lead by the Nicolas Cage look-alike Johnny Carrea, Van Quattro, had already had a confrontation with Franco back in Las Vages where Interpol Agent, and Franco's partner, Tina, Audrey Brunner, was gunned down.Franco having a new, and far more attractive and busty, woman Interpol Agent Linda, Elizabeth Kaitan, to help him track down and capture Johnny Carrea's drug gang has him, more then once in the film, more interested in making it with her then capturing them! As for Johnny he's so neurotic and mentally unbalanced that by the time the movie is over he ends up wiping, in suspecting them of double-crossing him, out his entire gang before Franco has a chance to do it himself! As for the big and expensive drug-some 20 kilos of cocaine-stash Johnny has he leaves it practically out in the open for Franco and his friend on the island Barone, Ken Kenchevai, to easily find and destroy with just one a stick of dynamite. Leaving the millions of dollars worth of coke in his drug laboratory apartment with the door unlocked and no one guarding it Johnny had about as much concern for his expensive cargo as he would have for the Staten Island Fresh Kill garbage dump!Always finding an excuse to strip off his shirt to show off his bulging muscles Franco should have been an easy target for Johnny and his boys to put away. Yet with all the bullets directed at him the Carrea gang couldn't as much as nick Franco much less kill him. In fact the only time that Franco was actually hit,back in Las Vages, the bullet was stopped by Franco's concealed gun that he had strapped to his chest!As you would expect Agent Beretta-Franco's Interpol code name-had no trouble whatsoever taking out Johhny and his gang of coked up, they use it as well as sell it, drug pushers. We also got to see in the movie Franco ride horses as well as sing besides flexing his enormous muscles which after a while, with him doing it like every five minutes in the film, got a bit monotonous to say the least. The big bonus in the movie was at the very end, with the ending credits, where we at last, after waiting all that time, got to see the sexy Linda strip off her top as she and Franco, who still kept his trunks on, were seen happily swimming in the sun drenched Mediterranean Sea! After suffering through an hour and a half of chases explosions and shoot-outs It's was well worth the wait!

From the first time I saw the box cover of the movie and the stretched out photography I thought this guy, this friend of the 'Scwarz' must be like 6 foot or 6ft 2in. Not 5 feet tall. Not that, it's his fault. At any rating, I turned on the movie one cool night in Tucson, out on the second story-deck with a good cigar and let it roll. At that time my wife was having an affair and things were going down hill for me, so I needed a good diversion. But, as bad as the movie was...I totally enjoyed it, with a bottle of Merlot too, I might admit. Truly, I have watched this movie many times. It always makes me feel good!! It's not that it 'tries too hard' to be cool or that 'It's so close' to hitting the mark for an action film....It's frantic. And then truly clueless. Then frantic again. It's the best of the best when it comes to a slow speed chase scene. Wow!! I never felt safer in my life. Warm and happy too. I was thankful that they conserved on the gasoline during the chase, due to less production in the summer months...anywho The direction was 'uninspired' the action and fight sequences needed to be choreographed, or re-choreographed and tightened up, the sound was off the delivery didn't hit you, it just kept on going, the other way. The 'locals' of that village that they were in, the town rather, were 'Off cue' they also did not seem to follow what was happening very well, the would look and even 'stare' into the camera lens. Like a deer in the head lights kind of thing only some of them with a smile, a smiling deer. I feel bad because 'Columbu' I just bet has a good heart and a caring spirit for people in America as well as for his own countrymen. However "Baretta's Island" is very lethargic and unbelievable. Even still I like it a lot. My now x-wife hates it, but I love it! The funny thing is, I am pretty discriminating when it comes to movies I like or even 'love'. All in all, I like Franco. So there it is. As a movie adding addendum to this if you like killing a few hours with truly fun to watch, straight to video-B movies or 'bad' movies for your little library collection then, if you can find it, check out 'The Big Sweat' (1991) with Robert Z' Dar..you know the big guy from 'TANGO & CASH'. 'The Big Sweat', a bomb of a cop story with no real plot discovery and acting that is so lame, it might as well be 'on crutches' and at the end of 'The Big Sweat' I think they ran out of money, because they had a picture of the cast and just set it on fire and let it burn during the credits. -Good fun. But all in all, not as good as Baretta's Island', I gave it a '1' and an overall rating of 'awful' for awful-good B' movie. I'm waiting for the sequel, maybe like 'Baretta's revenge on Montazuma' (Franco takes a Mexican vacation and gets sick on the water then, declares war on the water co.) or 'Baretta's powder war' where as he would stake out a large drug lord in his country and chemically gene-splice and create a hybrid super bug (insect) that would be bred and dropped into the cocaine fields and eat the coke and upon passing it through the bug, it forms a chemical reaction that turns the coke to pure powdered sugar. Then another sequel he would have to get the young people rescued from excessive sugar addiction and so on. He could get a major tooth paste company to endorse and partially fund the project with careful product placement in the feature. Right?(*)

I like when certain low budget independent motion pictures are trying harder to make a point. "Beretta's Island" certainly is one of them. Franco Columbu (Mr. World, Mr. Universe and Mr. Olympia) produced this movie and stars as an interpol agent - code name Beretta - who is forced out of retirement to avenge the cold-blooded murder of a cop. The killer's trail leads to Franco's hometown on the beautiful island of Sardinia, west of the Italian coast line. Rarely used locations adding an amazing flavor to the action and increases the value of the story and cinematography. I heard that in some circles in the USA and around the world this is considered a cult movie.

It's the worst movie I've ever seen. The action is so unclear, work of cameras is so poor, actors are so affected ... and this lamentable 5 minutes of Arnie on the screen. My advice from the bottom of my heart - don't watch it unless you like such a low class torture.