Too much of everything

If you don't like this, we can't be friends.

The performances transcend the film's tropes, grounding it in characters that feel more complete than this subgenre often produces.

This is a coming of age storyline that you've seen in one form or another for decades. It takes a truly unique voice to make yet another one worth watching.

I love old horror movies. The sleazy, underground B-movies that have more people seeing them today in the anything-goes digital era than they did decades ago when they were released but had trouble finding their audiences. I also love Udo Kier. He is one of my favorite actors with a unique and beautiful voice to match his unique and beautiful face. Linda Hayden is a lovely Brit actress who starred in sexy roles in horror films like "Taste The Blood Of Dracula" and "Blood On Satan's Claw". However, this meritless hunk of trash is a blemish on all three of those categories. Pretty much one trashy sex scene after the next joined together by stupid dialogue and a few kills, but nothing that even comes close to entertaining. AND they used another actor to dub in Udo's voice! - Blasphemy! If you wanna see a porn rent a porn. If you wanna see a vintage sleazy horror film, there are many great examples out there, but this incoherent mess is certainly not one of them. Udo is a book writer who goes to a secluded cottage to write his next book. He has disturbing nightmarish visions, hires Linda Hayden to come be his secretary. Then people start getting killed. And having sex. And getting killed. And having sex.

I found this on You Tube under the title "House on Straw Hill" This was a really bizarre film. It never truly bored me, but I really failed to grasp what the point of it all was. We get some really weird dream sequences at the start from our main character (Udo Kier) That really don't amount to anything, other than a hint as what might happen later on. It has plenty of sexual scenes with males and females. I will admit seeing Linda Hayden & Fiona Richmond make out with one another in rather explicit fashion was definitely enjoyable to watch, but other than that it wasn't all that great. House on Straw Hill tries to give us a mystery that lasts until the very end of the movie, even though we know something isn't right with Linda Hayden's character, and it's blatantly obvious she is the one causing the all trouble. Udo Kier is properly intense, but he is done in by awful dubbing. His character is not very sympathetic either. He knocks woman around, and flirts with them unabashedly. Linda Hayden is drop dead gorgeous, and I loved her character, but the way her character is actually written is very predictable. Her motives are never fully made clear, despite the ending, and none of it made any sense. It does have some blood here and there, but not much of it; it's mostly just soft-core porn. It really is quite the oddity Final Thoughts: I wouldn't say I disliked it…but I can't say I enjoyed it much either. It's too weird for its own good, and it all felt like a blur to me once it was over. It's getting a blu-ray release, so die hard horror fans may wanna check this puppy out. It's worth a look for curiosity's sake, but nothing more. 5/10

Intended as a cheap sexploitation/horror film, made for only £50,000, it's interesting to discover what became of Expose - and consider what it might have been. The plot is good - better than an average episode of The Avengers, anyway. A writer (Udo Kier) rents a detached farmhouse in Essex and hires a secretary (Linda Hayden) to type his somewhat improbable manuscript.There are low ceilings, claustrophobic surrounds and a small ensemble of performers including Fiona Richmond, who, as Kier's girlfriend, stimulates him so much that during intimacy with her, he feels the need to wear latex gloves. It all augurs well, the soundtrack's good too and I was pleased to see a vignette from talented Karl Howman, who I first saw in the exceptional National Youth Theatre production of Zigger Zagger.The sex isn't outrageous by today's standards - though not quite the sort of thing you'd come across in Last of the Summer Wine. Funnily enough, I first discovered this film due to an innocuous appearance of Linda Hayden in another sitcom, Some Mother's Do 'Ave Em.Her role in this is not dissimilar to that of Susan George in Straw Dogs; on one occasion, as she towers over her drunken employer, lying on the floor staring up at her, panic-stricken, I felt distinctly uneasy. Coming from Stanmore, near to where I grew up, she might at least have considered towering over me, after an evening of inebriation in a pub near the end of the Northern Line. Charlotte Rampling, a fellow actress from the neighbourhood, who appeared in The Night Porter, amongst other things, became a much bigger star. Linda could - and perhaps should - have emulated her. She was apparently disappointed Fiona Richmond enjoyed star billing on the posters and that the film was advertised as a skinflick. Fair enough, but perennial masturbation was not depicted so much in mainstream films in those days (these days, it's almost compulsory, although most associated with American boys in teenage coming of age movies).Suffice to say, with a little bit more suspense, erotica and sensuality rather than sex and perhaps one more twist, this could have been a Witchfinder General or Wicker Man. Perhaps. As it is, it's interesting, worth a look and in the end, hangs together rather well.

Udo Kier is a novelist who opts to stay at his secluded country house while he's trying desperately to write his new book. After a new secretary (Linda Hayden) is sent by his agent to help make the novel get done quicker, a series of ghastly murders occur. This film is at turns boring, tedious, and pretentious. The only reason I would conceivably recommend it is for just the sheer beauty of Fiona Richmond. But if that's all you want, seek out James Clarke's "Hardcore" from 1977, wherein her role is meatier. Furthermore, the movie didn't score any points at all for dubbing over Mr. Kier's great voice.My Grade: D- Eye Candy: Linda Hayden and Fiona Richmond both bare all