The Worst Film Ever

the audience applauded

Fresh and Exciting

True to its essence, the characters remain on the same line and manage to entertain the viewer, each highlighting their own distinctive qualities or touches.

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*I bought this video for two bucks. I've been looking for this one for awhile. All I knew about "Blonde Heaven" is that it had Julie Strain and Michelle Bauer working at an escort agency. That's all I needed to know. I ran into this one by accident because the title on the video box is "Morgana". The filmmakers probably realized that neither Strain nor Bauer are blonde and changing the title to "Brunette Heaven" just didn't have a good ring to it."Blonde Heaven" has Strain working as the madam for a vampire modeling agency in L.A. Right off the bat, I'm intrigued by this film. Strain gets naked numerous times and wears her mighty black jack boots. Oh mama. That's the good stuff. Strain is looking mighty fine in this one. Bauer shows up as a vampire hooker and has a long sex scene with the president of her fan club. Bauer always treats the fans right.Besides Strain and Bauer doing their thing, "Blonde Heaven" is pretty lame. The main character is your typical naive Midwestern girl who comes to Hollywood and gets seduced by Strain and friends. Hey, can you blame her? Her big lunkheaded boyfriend comes a-calling and decides to rip off his shirt in order to free her from the vampires. Strain should've offered him a job to calm him down. Hunks-R-us or something. Strain decides to strike back and many lame fight scenes follow.If you're a die hard Strain and/or Bauer fan, "Blonde Heaven" is worth a look. If those two B-queens don't do it for you, skip it.

An horrible skin film, void of any redeeming value, other than a few assorted beauties (most of them not even blonde), who wander through this movie without any clothes on. Story is ridicolous. There are at least two scream queens (Julie Strain and Michelle Bauer), but even the fans of the horror movies will be bored by this Blonde Heaven.Director DeCouteau should have the courage to make real porno movies, not absolutely vain exercises in simulated sex like the several ones he made for Full Moon and other companies.A pity.

David DeCoteau isn't known as one of the great B-movie directors but he sunk beneath his own lowest levels with this one. In addition to what everyone has said, may I add that one scene of Julie Strain undressing was done in extreme long shot whereas every time one of the guys was nude, his butt was shoved in our faces. What up with that!? However it was nice to see, as Joe Bob Briggs might say, some gratuitous naked Michelle Bauer for old times sake. If this is the new Full Moon Pictures I say bring back Phil Fondacaro and the Puppet Master.

Wow...this was a dumb movie. Now to be fair, my expectations are never high when I am preparing to watch an erotic thriller, but this was lame even compared to most films in this genre. The plot is practically nonexistent, and what little story there is happens to be painfully bad. Therefore, the only reason to watch this film is for female flesh. But, even if you're THAT desperate to see oodles of nudity, I can only hope that you keep your finger close to the fast-forward button, because this film is just plain awful.