The Worst Film Ever

Fresh and Exciting

everything you have heard about this movie is true.

The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

Don't get me wrong, this movie is terrible in all ways. It's poorly shot, poorly edited, poorly sound mixed, and poorly written, but it's one of those so bad it's watchable kind of things where you can laugh at all the horrible stuff on screen. The kills in some cases are done in such a way that they wouldn't actually kill the person, and the voice over of the killer is super lame. Despite being clearly a woman, they try to insert a twist at the end that makes no sense.

"The Nail Gun Massacre" is a fun, if not entirely well-made slasher opus.**SPOILERS**As the town is known for a shocking murder, Sheriff Thomas, (Ron Queen) finds that a spate of murders in town have suddenly occurred. As this has never happened in the town before, he sets out to find out what's going on. As the murders continue, he realizes that the killer is a psycho wearing a black biker outfit and goes out wit a nail gun as a mode of death. When the body count rises even more in the community, he turns to his friend Doc James, (Rocky Patterson) to help him out with solving the elusive case. When most of the deaths seem to have come from a rape case reported years ago with the reported participants becoming the victims in the spree. Using this as a clue, they race to the surviving participants to protect them from the maniacal killer.The Good News: Frankly, this one here isn't all that bad and does have a couple of really good points. The main one is that there's a really great pace to this one that works wonders. Most of this is due to the fact that this one really manages to effectively spread out it's murder scenes so that there's no real down time. The high body count is mostly due to this, as it manages to break the double-digits barrier without much trouble, resulting in plenty of kills, most of them insanely graphic as nails are shot into pretty much every major body-part. They're in the shoulders, chest, arms, hands, legs, head, forehead, cheek and pretty much most every other part available. There's also plenty of fun to be had from the set-ups as well. One double murder in particular, a naked couple screwing each other against a tree before getting bumped off, is an exploitation gem as. The first nail sticks in the back of the man's neck, resulting in a long squirt of blood from the wound, and as he collapses the woman gets hit in the chest. This results in some classic blood-on-breasts action, as well as the fact that there's plenty of nails sticking in that region being completely visible, before both the naked fools fall down in a bloody pile. It's a fantastic set-piece that has far more exploitation credibility than it really should for a slasher flick. Another one has a victim nailed to death, falling into a BBQ and cooked. As well, no opportunity is missed to zoom in on fully-exposed breasts and then hold that shot for as long as possible. The fact that it opens up with a topless couple rolling around in bed having a conversation with each other where the woman actively wants the man to sexually play with her anatomy is really pushing it as well. Another rather great scene at a drive-in is just so trashy and exploitative that it should be seen on it's own. These here pretty much make the film watchable.The Bad News: This here isn't without it's problems. The main problem here results from the killer. First off, he's very small and slight psycho lumbers around with the most inconvenient murder weapon they could find. This nail-gun needs tanks of air, carried on the back, connected via a huge pipe to even work. Add the combat gear and taped up motorbike helmet and you have a killer that would be advised to stick to the dark for fear of being spotted at every turn. But no, our crazy coot flounders around in broad daylight, and no one sees anything. The killing method also brings up a couple problems. Now then, being stuck with a nail sure would be painful, but it's not exactly lethal. Well here we have people shot in the hands, arms, or stomachs by little tiny nails and they all drop down dead. One guy has his crossed over hands nailed to a tree by a single nail. He is later found dead with just the one nail. It would never be enough to kill a man of that size with just one placed in an area such as the hand. It all makes up a rather nonthreatening killer. The last flaw is the local sheriff, who is perhaps the dumbest cop ever to appear in film. The killer's gold hearse drives from the direction of a reported murder on a highway and doesn't even pull it over to check, where he would have found our psycho in full costume. Worse, he later passes the same car, deserted and pulled clumsily over to the edge of the road, and simply looks at it and sees nothing worth investigating. It's not all that creative, and all it does is make the killer on the loose to commit the killing spree for no reason at all. It's not that great, and is quite confusing. All in all, these here are the film's flaws.The Final Verdict: With some really sleazy parts to enjoy about it and a couple of really easy-to-spot flaws, this one here is certainly watchable. This is really recommended to the more exploitative-minded out there, as well as slasher fans, while those who despise low-budgets won't find a lot here.Rated R: Graphic Violence, Nudity, several sex scenes and Language

Probably trying to cash-in on other power-tool related horror-films like Texas CHAINSAW MASSACRE and TOOLBOX MURDERS...THE NAILGUN MASSACRE is a dull and unoriginal film that has a few laugh-worthy moments that don't make it a complete and utter waste of time - though it's close...A chick is gang-raped by a bunch of construction workers. A camouflaged weirdo with a robotic voice that spits out stupid one-liners runs around with a nailgun killing a bunch of hicks and redneck hos as a means of revenge...THE NAILGUN MASSACRE is a dull snooze-fest that only has a few "gory" (but ultimately) cheezy scenes that are nothing to write home about, and a few lame nude scenes to it's credit. I would suggest not wasting your time at all on this one...4/10

I believe it was but a young Steven Hawkings who once said "As I watched perfection and tried tirelessly to describe it's gleaming magnificence, 'twas four words that came to mind, "The Texas Nailgun Massacre...or perhaps it was "Dude, look at those titties!" Which doesn't make any real sense because that's actually five words, and Steven Hawkings can't actually speak. Regardless, it is fair to say as one who hasn't actually seen this movie and is only commenting on other comments, supposedly there is fare amount of "breasts" in this movie. That being said, I am now intrigued by these so-called "breasts." "Breasts" what a concept, bet you can't say it five-times fast? Damn, you can! Anyways, "Breast," if you rearrange the letters in the word "Breasts" you get "Streabs," which sounds a bit European to me, and I don't know about you but this is America! Home of the good ole' Red, White and Blue, where cars are made out of steel and might was built on coal and iron. Where that good ole' American spirit hangs in the air, and we all rally around that one ideal that makes us better than every other country in the world "Fuck Soccer!" But i'm getting off track, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, "breasts", I would say tits, which is much cooler, but for some reason people find that offensive, and since I can't say tits I refuse to discuss the matter any further. Besides the fact that all I know about this movie is that it is called "The Texas Nailgun Massacre," there is not a single word in the English language to describe something as obviously amazing and awe-inspiring as this film. I thought of one but I don't think "splendiferous" is a word. Anywho, if you are lucky enough to run across "The Texas Nailgun Massacre" in your local video store (which you won't) I highly suggest you keep walking, because only those with hearts as pure as snow and strength as mighty as the wind blows can handle what lies in front of you on that movie store shelf..."Critters 3." But right next to that is a movie...I'm sorry, let me rephrase that, a revolution that is "The Texas Nailgun Massacre." (However since it is next to Critters 3, I bet you'll pick up both covers and compare the pictures on the boxes for awhile before you skip over both and rent "The Truth about Cats and Dogs," which is much cuter I think.)