The Worst Film Ever

Just perfect...

Great Film overall

This is a must-see and one of the best documentaries - and films - of this year.

... or should I say embezzler, since Ustinov's character says that "anyone can steal". Ustinov, as recently paroled embezzler Marcus Pendleton, is obviously not reformed. His first order of business is to find a way to continue practicing his craft. But nobody is going to hire known embezzler Marcus Pendleton, so he comes up with a cunning plan in the first few minutes of the film. A display discussing "careers in computers" catches his eye, and he takes some brochures home. He then befriends England's foremost computer expert, Caesar Smith, and encourages him to follow his passion which causes him to go to South America.With Caesar out of the country, Pendleton simply impersonates him in an interview with the head of the British office of an international insurance company, Carlton J. Klemper (Karl Malden). Simply by being extremely likable and throwing around a few computer catch phrases, Pendleton gets a job as computer expert there. But before he can begin embezzling he must disable the computer's security system. Laugh not 21st century computer security specialists - it is a big blue light bulb sitting on the server. As laughable as that sounds, the light bulb turns out to be a bigger nemesis that Pendleton first thought.Rounding out the cast is Bob Newhart as Willard C. Gnatpole, a person who sees Pendleton as a competitor and whose watchful eye is just making Pendleton's efforts to steal harder, and Maggie Smith who steals the picture from Ustinov as Pendleton's completely incompetent secretary - actually a completely incompetent everything, but in an endearing cockney "I Love Lucy" kind of way - who is also the object of Gnatpole's lust. Both are absolutely hilarious.This is actually a very funny and heartwarming cross between something you might expect in an Ealing comedy updated to the mod 60s and a Billy Wilder film. Ustinov co-wrote the screenplay, and I think this is probably his best role, showing the very best he could do when given the right material.Oh, and believe it or not, this film is incredibly romantic too! Highly recommended.

It's about an embezzler, Peter Ustinov, who infiltrates a British company, Texa-Conn or something like that, posing as a computer whiz and security expert. He secretly learns to hack into the computer, while gathering the admiration of his boss, Karl Malden, the enmity of his office rival, Bob Newhart, and the love of his inept secretary, Maggie Smith.Some of the business details were a little murky to these non-business-oriented eyes but they're believable enough and I got the general idea. Ustinov, the peculating Peter, establishes phony businesses in Paris, Rome, and Stuttgart, and uses Texa-Conn's computer to send all kinds of money to these ersatz establishments. The overseas companies, of course, consist of nothing more than himself, Ustinov, and the addresses are an abandoned artist's loft in Paris, a barber shop in Rome, and a bakery in Germany. He simply visits them to collect the checks he's sent himself.I didn't think I'd like it for the first few minutes because it seemed rather on the slow side. I was expecting something with a faster tempo and more outrage, along the lines of "The Pink Panther" or "The Lavender Hill Gang." But this film insinuates itself into your good graces as you come to appreciate the understated humor in the plot, the characterizations, and the dialog.Probably it would be a bad idea to give away too many of the relatively subtle gags but here are some examples of the more noticeable.Ustinov to Secretary Smith: "Let me have the assets of these companies." Smith: "Assets? What are they?" Ustinov: "Little female donkeys." Now, nothing is made of this little exchange. There's a quick cut and no delay for any laughter, which is appropriate because one's reaction is more likely to be a smile than a laugh.Ustinov searches out that crummy loft in Paris. It's covered with cobwebs. Bricks are strewn around and a couple of the former occupant's paintings have been left behind. The landlord doesn't speak English and Ustinov knows no French. Ustinov points to a child-like painting of a nude woman and chuckles, "Ah. A fam fye-tal, eh?" Landlord chuckles too, replies: "Vous le prenez pour une anee?" Ustinov: "Oh -- ANNIE, so that's her name!" Landlord: "Oui?" Ustinov: "Entente cordiale!" (Mes amis, if I got those genders wrong, je m'excuse.) Bob Newhart as Willard Gnatpole (!) has the hots for Maggie Smith and is supposed to be driving her home but tells her he's taking "the scenic route." There is an immediate sequence of suggestive traffic signs. "Caution." "Lay-By." "Give Way." "Yield." Ending with the imperious "STOP/CHILDREN." There's another montage when Ustinov's scheme is about to be discovered by the board of directors -- blurry rooftops, police cars, a farewell embrace from Maggie, ending with a sign: PRISON, Wormwood Scrubs.Well, maybe one more. I still can't get over Malden as the boss, declaring decisively, "I never agonize over decisions," then gulping a handful of pills and washing them down with a glass of water.The acting is unarguably fine. It's Bob Newhart's best role, for instance. Not that he had that many, and not that his range wasn't limited, but he's perfect in this part. The musical score by Laurie Johnson obviously had a good deal of effort put into it. She seems to have written a brief concerto for flute. Ustinov's passion is music and his overseas establishments are headed by false names like Claude Debussy and Giacconino Rossini. Stuttgart's phony president is somebody named Schmidt, and he's an anomalous clinker. Maggi Smith is pretty, sexy, bourgeois, and turns out to be not nearly so dumb as she seems.Delightful, in its own quiet way, but don't expect comic fireworks.

I was excited to discover this late sixties comedy staring some of my favorite people - Maggie Smith, a very young Bob Newhart and, of course, Peter Ustinov. My disappointment was thus compounded to discover the film doesn't work as either a comedy or a perfect heist film. Ustinov plays a small time crook just out of prison who sets his sites on a large American corporation based in London. Bluffing his way past dimwitted CEO Karl Malden and tech geek Newhart, Ustinov passes himself off as a computer expert and immediately plans the 'perfect heist' part of the film. To do this he needs to get passed a tamper proof security system that guards the corporation mainframe. And here is problem one. His perfect plan only works because everyone else in the film is remarkably trusting and stupid. His lame excuses are taken at face value and this must be the only computer center anywhere not to bother with video cameras. The second problem is the heist (fraud really) happens within the first 30 minutes of the film robbing the rest of the picture of much in way of dramatic tension. Maggie Smith is sadly miscast as Ustinov's ditsy next door neighbor/secretary who just can't keep a job. I love Maggie Smith but she just seems too together here, too composed, the part called for more of a wacky, physical comedian. Furthermore, Ustinov and Smith have no chemistry together, maybe it's the age difference, but the later romantic relationship, as devoid of actual romance as it is, still comes off a little creepy. Ustinov co-wrote the script, and it was thought well of at the time, but I found it unfunny, meandering and a sad waste of a great cast.

Co-writer and leading actor Peter Ustinov has never been more ingratiating and wily (and handsome) than he is here playing a paroled ex-con who is an expert with numbers; he studies up on the burgeoning computers field and gets a job with a firm that, once he cracks the main code, will allow him to embezzle his way into a million pounds. Although the plot set-up is both cheeky and creaky (partly because we've been in this territory before), Ustinov's nonchalant genius parlays itself into a wonderful character; never depraved or insulting, he seems to catch himself off-guard with his successes, of which each is followed by another in the actor's repertoire of funny faces. The direction is hectic and perfunctory, and the editing is nervous, but there are some lovely scenes such as when Ustinov is invited up to ex-secretary Maggie Smith's flat and begins playing beautiful piano (she reciprocates with a duetting flute in the picture's finest moment). Once the mechanisms of the story have unfolded, there isn't much point going on, though the film has several more scenes which are upbeat but unessential. As Ustinov's boss, Karl Malden modulates (somewhat) his irascible nature, but Bob Newhart's nerdy associate is the proverbial egghead and schnook. Smith's Cockney working girl is fun until she marries Ustinov, which is just about the time the movie starts darting about, looking for a finish line. **1/2 from ****