Sadly Over-hyped

It's no definitive masterpiece but it's damn close.

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

For his final ever film, director Andy Sidaris sees just how far he can go in terms of sheer audacity, preposterous plot developments this time around including the previously extremely evil megalomaniac The Warrior (Marcus Bagwell) changing his ways to become a government agent (and sex partner for Julie Strain's Willow Black), Filipino villain Rodrigo Martinez (Rodrigo Obregón) returning from the dead sporting a cheap Phantom of the Opera-style mask, and a very silly finalé that sees the bad guy being unmasked ala a classic episode of Scooby Doo. There are also numerous flashbacks, loads of convoluted double-crosses and deceit, and lots of dreary exposition courtesy of Obregón.Of course, we also get the regular ingredients from Sidaris—Playboy models with massive mammaries and the fashion sense of a Hollywood hooker, hunks who leave their shirts undone to show off their abs, lots of poorly choreographed action, exploding remote controlled vehicles, a pointless fantasy sequence—but this time around it seems as if everyone is simply going through the motions, as though all involved knew that the series was at an end and just wanted to get it over and done with as quickly as possible and with the least fuss and bother.

This (and ALL Sidaris movies) are just soft core porn. PERIOD. End of sentence. Terrible on every other level. At least he goes to the trouble to recruit world class eye candy, but don't expect ANYTHING else. Since I have to fill in more comments, I will do it in in tribute to this borderline porn. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. Big boobs. and...... Big boobs.

Think about it - Jack Bauer plus Julie K. Smith? Are you kidding me? The other networks might as well just show a test pattern in that timeslot.Actually these movies are kind of entertaining if you think of it as the progeny of Russ Meyer making films for the post-cable generation. Not great art, not good art, not really even art, but certainly not the worst stuff in the world. As another review said, you can watch it with the sound turned up and the plot isn't any more BS than what you'd see on 24.Makes you miss the days of "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" and "Picasso Trigger". Better than two dustballs talking about their PSP.

It seems to me that the only reason you make a movie like this is to show nudity and gratuitous sex. If that's the case, why did this movie go 45 minutes without a sex scene? You're waiting for them, too. I sat there and was like, "Oh, OK, they're gonna get it on!... Well, maybe not." "YES! FINALLY!... Oh, wait, I guess not." They spend so much time teasing and hinting that you expect it every second, then quickly lose interest. And there are only two sex scenes in the entire movie. Both are dull. Perhaps it's wrong of me to be watching this for the sex scenes, but can you blame me? The movie couldn't possibly deliver on anything else.For the Bagwell fans out there, yeah, he's good. He also has a love scene. But don't be hoping for anything good. It's dull and they don't do much to each other. They tease you with hinting about sex scenes, and then when they finally hit you, they tease you DURING the sex scene.This movie suffers from schizophrenia. It wants to be Playboy, Red Shoe Diaries, and 007 rolled into one. You'd be much better off renting Playboy, Red Shoe, or 007 to fill your particular craving as this movie does NONE of the genres well. I'll say one final thing for this movie. It defies expectations. And again, no, NOT in a good way.