Memorable, crazy movie

Let's be realistic.

This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

I remember in 2002 when I went to go see this movie just to laugh at it. It's honestly not funny. I mean yeah the first half is FUN, but then stuff gets deep and messed up. Of course hindsight is 20/20 and it's now 2018 and we know this was written by Shonda rhimes, so it HAD to be messed up, right? It's been 16 years. Can we get over the fact it's a Britney movie and finally admit it's not half bad, and honestly kind of sad towards the end? No? Just me? Ok.

Had I had any points with people in my inner movie-loving circle, I'd lose the rest of their respect when I say: I didn't hate Crossroads.Sure, it was a chore to get through, had its ups/downs, clichés galore and enough melodrama to make the Lifetime channel sue for copyright infringement. But, it's a harmless movie with not-horrible acting stints from our main leads in the road-trip "comedy." Oh, sorry, I mean "drama." No? Okay, "Suspense." Or is it: "Coming of Age?"Whatever genre it is, or pretends it is, it's a nice reminder of the timeframe it was shot. Meaning, I loved the songs of the late 90s into the early 2000s and this has plenty of them. So, when I found my mind wandering off from the "action" on the screen, I was brought back to my kind of music.Basically, we have three BFF girls who bury some kind of lame time capsule barely six inches into the ground (but, protected by a plastic bag, damnit!) only for them to open it on their High School graduation night.Well, these friends drifted apart to become caricatures of said Lifetime Movie females and reluctantly, they do dig up the box. Suddenly and coincidentally, they all have missions to complete across the country and a could-be killer agrees to drive them to their individual destinies.Wow. The more I type this synopsis out, the less I think it's a good movie, but I do remember (again) not hating it. Surprisingly, Before-Crazy Britney didn't perform that bad, the Star Trek chick was interesting to see while "on leave," and the pregnant one – who was she? – was okay. The maybe killer male of the foursome cross-countriers was more creepy than sinister, and he did what he could in this.Not a life-changing movie, nor even great for young teen girls to get a lesson out of. And…It's Not a Great Movie, Not Yet a Rifftrax Target.* * * Final thoughts: My excuse is the How Did This Get Made? podcast which (really didn't make me, but I'll say they did) made me watch this. If you must watch this, make sure you listen to their take following. You will not feel your time was wasted then.

The only "good" thing I can say about this movie, is that, in some ways, it's A BIT better (read: less annoying) than Mariah Carey's, J.Lo's and Paris Hilton's movies. While this one is truly awful, the aforementioned are even beyond that.The acting is atrocious. We all know that Britney can't act, but... everyone else in the movie was equally bad. It's like, Britney's team wanted to find people that would make Britney look good (at acting), which is VERY difficult. They picked THE WORST cast ever! Honestly, these so-called actors are an embarrassment.This is just another "vanity movie". It is clear that Britney has no interest in acting; she's just doing this to show off or something. There's no difference between this movie and one of Britney's music videos. None. This is not really a movie as such, is it? Seriously, I can't imagine what sort of person would ever consider praising anything about this movie. Everything - every single thing - about it is s***.An empty, stupid, meaningless, all-round disastrous mess.

I was unfortunately exposed to this horrible piece of filmmaking not by choice, but because I was playing the good guy spending xmas day with the family of some friends. Their daughter is a huge Brittney fan and this movie was on the flat screen with the DVD set to… gulp… loop mode. Each time I was exposed to it when transiting through the living room I immediately ran to the bathroom, all the while reaching for my personal bottle of Bactine so I could liberally rinse out my eyes. Needless to say I used the whole bottle long before the film was over on the first play through. Unfortunately there weren't any drug stores open on xmas day where I could quickly replenish my supply so I had to politely endure the best I could. A whopping case of snow blindness would have felt far more soothing. I pity the silver halide crystals that were forced to be part of this acetate monstrosity. The atomic cry emanating from the camera shutter gate would have made the folks at CERN green with envy for the profuse expulsion of sub-atomic particles created by the silver halide nuclear genocide of would have made the multi-billion dollar collider a moot point.However, as bad as this is there are a couple of redeeming qualities that will catapult this film into the status of a timeless and endearing classic. 1. The CIA and other letter agencies can use it as a torture mechanism. This film coupled with copious insertions of the singing Tro-Lo-Lo guy will make water boarding seem like a folk dance. You want the information? 30 minutes of this puerile tripe and any hardened spy, criminal, or terrorist will spill their guts pronto. Hell they'll probably make some up too just to end the onslaught before irrevocable damage is done. 2. UCLA film school can use it as a "frame-by-frame" forensic study of how not to make a movie. This requisite first-year, first-semester post- mortem will take the most resolute future filmmaker or writer and have them run screaming from the campus giving up the Hollywood dream only to become a used car or insurance sales person. Nothing like weeding out the weak stomach wannabe's.