disgusting, overrated, pointless

best movie i've ever seen.

Best movie ever!

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

Geisha vs Ninjas, or Geisha Assassin as it's known outside of Japan and the USA, is a fresh, exciting example of how to make an exciting martial arts B Movie. It's fast paced, exciting, and it has a constant flow of action and quick progression from one sequence to another.It takes the martial arts B movie back to basics, assumes rightly that 90% of it's audience will be far less interested in authenticity than they are in seeing some exciting throwdowns, and provides a constant stream of exciting, energetic and refreshingly brutal fight scenes, with a simple but effective story briskly clipping along with them.There've been two main points made against the flick whenever I read it reviewed, both of which I think are accurate points but also kind of pedantic and moot.First is about martial arts authenticity. Martial arts geeks have been hasty to point out that the movie is preposterous and historically inaccurate. I'm going to tackle this head on. Geisha vs Ninjas is quite obviously coming from a comic book fantasy angle, and as someone who knows of and understands the principles of various martial arts but also knows that while the professional martial arts performed in a lot of recent movies is excellent and top notch, it makes for incredibly dull, grounded fight scenes. This movie is aimed at people who want to see a full on kicking of many butts like in the comics they read as a kid, not an expert display of dry martial skill like they see in a dojo. If you're going to get sniffy about whether a 5'2 girl can outfight a 6'1 monk with her bare hands or the fact that a ninja pulls down her mask to talk during a fight, you need to go buy Redbelt or Throwdown or something, this is not the movie for you. If you bought or rented a movie called Geisha vs Ninjas and expected authenticity, you are an idiot.Second is about the technical quality of the film. This is a very fair point. The film is shot on HD video, not film stock. It's directed by Go Ohara, who was responsible for action direction in Versus and the entirety of the direction of Death Trance. The visual of the movie is much like Versus, with it shot on cheap video, but with excellent direction and shot choice. Also pace is maintained throughout, with precious little time wasted or spent philosophising. If you dislike watching movies with very low production values, you'd be better off to watch Death Trance as that is a high budget film, funded by the Japanese/American Fever Dreams production company. The video stock and recording of the film is, in the slower sections, a little distracting. Most of the blacks are in fact low greys, and on my copy seemed to flicker somewhat. Also the frame rate of the movie doesn't seem quite right, with the non-fight sequences seemingly shot at a slower than natural frame rate. However, the counter-argument to this obvious but inobtrusive lack of funds and equipment is that where a lot of movies have tons of equipment and money but squander it, Geisha vs Ninjas is pushing the limits of what you can do with crappy gear and a few locations by making sure direction, action and concepts are in as high gear as humanly possible.So to summarise the film, yes, it is doubtlessly inaccurate to it's period, yes it is shot on very little money on cheap gear and it shows, but at the end of the day, if you stop looking for problems and concentrate on the actual movie, it's a rip-roaring, brutal, fight-centric revenge thriller with a great female lead, fantastic action direction and some great locations.

The title pretty much says it all: pretty geisha Kotomi (Minami Tsukui) seeks revenge for the murder of her father, but to get to the man responsible for his death she must first defeat a series of foes in mortal combat. That's about it for plot, the film consisting of wall to wall fighting between the young woman and a variety of opponents (including a ronin, several ninjas, a monk, a magic man and his dream demons, and a bow-and-arrow toting 'Indian' woman) before she finally gets to even the score with her dad's killer.Geisha Assassin is a low budget effort (from an undeniably enthusiastic group of film-makers) and has the distinctive look of having been shot on HD video rather than film; however, considering the relatively low production quality, the result is technically and visually impressive, with smart editing, considered direction, stylish lighting and cool choreography.And yet, despite all of these positive points, the film fails to be a wholly satisfying experience, the slight plot failing to fully engage the viewer, the action scenes generating very little in the way of genuine excitement thanks to a frustrating sameness of fighting styles and locales, and the finale proving to be the dullest part of the whole affair rather than the highlight. With a tad more fun injected into proceedings—some excessive gore, perhaps, or even more outrageous comic-book-style adversaries—this might have been a hugely enjoyable piece of action cinema. Instead, it's passable entertainment for the duration, but unlikely to make a lasting impression.5.5 out of 10, rounded up to 6 for IMDb.

The film has been decried by some viewers because the feats of strength attributed to a mere girl are impossible, particularly after she has been injured. That would put down thousands of action films in which the main character is a man, too. The film is declared a fake, because the script has the heroine fighting a number of opponents in succession - count them: 2 Ronin, 4 Ninjas, 1 Monk, 1 Assassin, 1 Priest, 4 Demons, 1 Samurai, 1 Young Ronin = 15. The same happens in most action films, and if it does not, then it's because they do not have enough money to pay as many expendable characters; in the best action movies the hero or heroine is supposed to kill hundreds or even thousands of opponents, and survive with less physical damage than our Geisha here, and they are usually acclaimed just for that. The ninja style bout is a bore, with fake action like jumping to the sky, sliding ten meters over an uneven ground, and so on. True, but that would be inescapable due to the fact the film is an Eastern, and with Ninja in the title. According to the film genre, such scenes are mandatory, though lacking credibility in a rational analysis. The same happens with American or European Westerns in which the colts fire dozens of deadly bullets without being re-charged... and most get good reviews. The Geisha fights a Monk who is larger and stronger, and she defeated him by her strength, which is another fake. This blame is not true. The Geisha shows stamina equal to the taller, stronger enemy, and defeats him with a clever and unexpected wrestling hold, a figure-four headlock applied with her thighs – the most powerful limbs in an athletic woman wrestler – and takes his breath, and almost breaks his neck with it. Then, as he his still unable to defend himself, she finishes him with a karate punch to the Adam's apple. (I find this quite believable. Kids of all ages: please do not try this blow at home!) The film is a chanbara, and one should appreciate the music of the tinkling blades together, and the contrast they establish with the opening soft music in a temple where the grown-up Geisha is dancing - a choreography that she had perfecting as a child, even against the will of her beloved father...Are Western reviewers so much into computers that they became incapable of understanding a story told as a fairytale about a girl's quest for her father's killer, and her family's sword? I'm not so much in love with this film to the point of rating it 10, but I understand the people who did that. Very nice cinematography and eventually a better film than what we're seeing editing down to 78m32s and without a good translation. I saw it in a language I do not speak, and even so I liked it, and got the main points of the story. That speaks high of Go Ohara, the director and screenplay writer.

I was apprehensive about blind buying this movie based upon the trailer, which looked like a B-movie that could end up a total disaster - ala "Legend of Red Dragon" (2002). However, I had an extra $20 in online gift certificates and was in the mood for a new Japanese action flick, so I took a chance - and I'm mighty glad I did. "Geisha vs. Ninjas" is not merely mildly entertaining low-budget fare like the "Gun Crazy" series, but is more entertaining for a number of reasons.First and foremost, low-budget B-grade action flicks have inherent limitations that frequently leave the final product rather wanting. Creating a great action scene with no name actors, little money, and inexperienced stuntmen and choreographers is something incredibly difficult that's accomplished by only the most talented of filmmakers. Most of the time, you end up with a few decent moves mixed in with lots of edits and quick cuts to hide the lack of talent behind and in front of the camera. The people behind "Geisha vs. Ninjas" were the same people behind the action in "Death Trance" (2005) and "Onechanbara" (2008). My expectations were rightfully confused, because "Death Trance" was cool with decent action sequences while "Onechanbara" was stupid with poor action sequences.Most surprisingly, "Geisha vs. Ninjas" has a number of highly effective swordfights and fist-a-cuffs that use wide camera shots that show multiple attacks and counterattacks from the actors, which is a remarkable, extremely impressive feat that must have required a lot of physical practice and rehearsals off camera. One example is the fist fight between the geisha and the monk, which is truly scintillating and is without doubt of a very high quality, even when compared to more popular martial arts fare from Hong Kong and Thailand. Anyone who watches that fight and claims it to be average B-movie quality simply doesn't know what high quality action is.I'm probably taking this review too seriously, so let's get to the ninjas. Unfortunately, the ninjas only appear during the first 20 minutes or so, then disappear for the remainder of the film because the scriptwriters obviously wanted to keep things fresh by substituting other bad guys like monks, demons, tribal women, and samurai - which are entertaining in their own right. Therefore, those expecting lots and lots of ninjas will be disappointed in that regard, but when they are on screen they prove very difficult to kill and break out some crazy maneuvers. In addition, the geisha aspect of the film also drops off at about the same time the ninjas leave, as the lead protagonist discards her geisha outfit and goes for some "period" clothing instead. These are relatively minor quibbles that will be perceived as major negatives to those who so desperately want to see a geisha fight ninjas for ninety minutes.As would be expected, the script is weak and the scoring is generic; but the greatest flaw of this movie is the final half hour, which loses some steam and feels drawn out with too much bland dialogue. This is a blunder because the opening 50 minutes are carried by excellent pacing, energy, and a bit of welcome cheesiness. That's it for the negatives though, and much of these cons are overshadowed by the numerous fight scenes.Some of the early negative reviews on IMDb are ludicrous. The critics nit-pick the unrealistic aspects of this movie like the length of a sword, as if I care that the length of a weapon was extended for use in a film about a GEISHA FIGHTING NINJAS! Another criticism is that ninjas can't fly and that a geisha swordswoman could never be as strong as the one portrayed here. Well, let me tell you this. In a movie about a GEISHA FIGHTING NINJAS, some superhuman strength and gravity-defying abilities are more than welcome if the characters kick as much rear-end as they do here. The mere premise of this film is so ludicrous than one wonders why anyone would watch it with the slightest expectation for realism. And by the way, ninjas can do anything they want. Do you know why? Because they're ninjas, that's why.So yeah, this movie is cool in all sorts of ways. For brainless fun, you're in for a good time.