Just what I expected

In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

This is a coming of age storyline that you've seen in one form or another for decades. It takes a truly unique voice to make yet another one worth watching.

The acting in this movie is really good.

At first when accidentally stumbling upon "Captain Apache" on late night TV and knowing absolutely nothing about it, I derived it would be a story similar to the one told in "A Man Called Horse" (and thus also a predecessor to "Dances with Wolves") and revolving on a white man fighting alongside the oppressed Indians. What else do you expect from a film with a title like that? It quickly becomes obvious this isn't the case, and the titular Captain (the almighty Lee Van Cleef), is simply an eccentric loner but a genuine Indian. He works as an Army officer, but none of the white cowboy-machos respect him because he's a "Redass" and the Indians don't trust him because he does a white man's job. He even has to remove his uniform whilst talking to the Indians, resulting in a shameless and gratuitous naked Van Cleef scene. The whole movie searches for the meaning of the words "April Morning", and the dialogs in the script make damn sure you don't forget them as they're repeated approximately every 7,5 seconds. April and Morning were the last words of a dying officer and they are believed to have an important significance. Captain Apache investigates and quickly becomes entangled in a large-scaled conspiracy of Mexican gun smugglers, quality prostitutes, corrupt army commanders and … genuine witches! The plot is often needlessly convoluted and I easily admit I didn't bother to comprehend everything, especially because the basic premise is rudimentary simple and actually gets revealed already in the two-line plot synopsis here on this site. How absurd is that? Throughout the whole film the words "April Morning" bathes in an aura of mystery and their meaning is successfully kept secret until five minutes before the ending, yet around here the whole film is bluntly summarized in two sentences. "Captain Apache" is overall very forgettable, but it does feature a couple of brilliantly comical moments (Van Cleef's drinking contest with the freaky twin bodyguards or his acid trip inside the witches' cavern), some decent shootouts and – not to forget – two songs sung by no less than Lee Van Cleef himself. This is the only time Lee was ever credited as a singer and that trivia aspect alone makes "Captain Apache" a curious must-see for fans of Euro-westerns. The presence of cult-siren Carroll Baker ("Baba Yaga", "Knife of Ice", "Bad", "Cyclone"…) as every male character's love interest is another good reason for avid cult fanatics to track down this nonetheless mediocre film.

Another low-grade International Western on the same lines as BAD MAN'S RIVER (1971; also with Lee Van Cleef and by writer-producer Philip Yordan, but a more satisfying flick all-round), A TOWN CALLED BASTARD (1971) and PANCHO VILLA (1972) – all three of which I've watched fairly recently. Here, Van Cleef plays the title role of a Union soldier who, in spite of displaying the proud demeanor befitting his Indian blood, is seemingly nonplussed at being referred to as "Redass" by virtually everybody he meets; he also gets to warble two songs on the soundtrack and is shown at one point wearing "classic" Indian warrior attire i.e. nothing but a piece of cloth to cover his private parts! Carroll Baker, Stuart Whitman, Percy Herbert and a curiously uncredited Jess Hahn co-star, but the indifferent treatment of a confusing plot – with a host of anonymous characters double-crossing each other throughout and climaxing in an aborted assassination attempt on the life of Ulysses S. Grant! – breed unmemorable results; the whole thing is further sunk by a highly inappropriate rock score and the wrong widescreen aspect ratio utilized for the transfer of the R2 DVD edition I rented.

One of my favorite Van Cleef spaghetti westerns--more TV-show in look than a feature film and Van Cleef goes against type. I'm not surprised that everyone here dislikes it. The movie is definitely an acquired taste. I saw it during its theatrical run and wish I could find a decent print on DVD. TNT used to run it, I hope the western channel airs it someday. The very funny script is a non-stop barrage of one-liners but played so totally straight and dry by everyone, Van Cleef, Whitman, Carroll Baker, that it works. I've read that the cast had a good time making Apache. The twanging guitar soundtrack is terrific--totally unlike the music composed for most Euro-westerns. I'd love to buy the soundtrack CD.

I would call this a spaghetti movie, but somebody forgot to put in the pasta. An extremely low budget, coupled with a dreary story and low-end talent provided the viewer with a look at how sloppy a movie can be. There must be a market for this bilge, for there are plenty of these turkeys to be seen.