Sorry, this movie sucks

Good concept, poorly executed.

I think this is a new genre that they're all sort of working their way through it and haven't got all the kinks worked out yet but it's a genre that works for me.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

A psychotic serial killer (the delectable Debbie Rochon who sadly keeps her clothes on throughout the film) on death row, regales her potential executioner (old Leatherface himself, Gunnar Hansen) with three horror stories.The first is about a sad pathetic woman who drowns her kids (she's under the impression that her boyfriend didn't like them) only to get her just desserts when the duo of drowned tykes arise from their watery grave for revenge. This was the most predictable, and dare I say boring, of the three stories. Over-acted by all and I just couldn't get into it. It was reminiscent of Creepshow's 'Something to Tide you over' segment, but not nearly as good or entertaining.The second story, and best if only by default, features a battered wife who's at the end of her rope when she decides to visit the local witch of the neighborhood for help. Of course unsurprisingly, things don't go exactly as planned. This was a bit better then the dreary first one, but still wasn't halfway decent. I enjoyed the acting a tad better, but the horror expect of it doesn't really come into play until the tale is almost over. This one would've been more suited for an, particularly lesser, episode of the beloved "Monsters" series.The last tale has to do with a bizarre & sacrilegious ritual that's performed by a group of bikers and also centers on the gang's newest member who may not be who he seems. While this final story was kind of on the boring side, at least it had tits to liven things up. Trust me I don't usually fixate on such a base thing as that and tend to prefer decent characterization, good acting and an interesting story, but hey any port in the storm as they say. The film concludes with the wraparound featuring a laugh/cackle that is repeated and like nails on a chalkboard to listen to. Drector/Writer/Producer Paul Talbot sure likes horror anthologies, this being his third one, you would think that he'd get better at them. He hasn't...Eye Candy: Roxanne Micheals & an unknown actress get topless and lightly make-outMy Grade: D

Tales of murder and horror written by a serial killer (Debbie Rochon) on death row.The first is a Susan Smith tale of a woman (Amy R. Swaim) who drowned her kids because her boyfriend didn't like children. No life-in-prison for her, or the boyfriend. BWahaha! The next story is a redneck husband who beats his wife (Jennifer Peluso). Fortunately there is a witch living across the street. Unfortunately, the girl doesn't follow instructions very well.Debbie ends with a story of a biker gang who perform a bizarre ceremony in a graveyard. Jasi Cotton Lanier and Brittany-Anne put on a spectacular show amidst the strange rituals. In the end Rhonda (Jennifer Peluso, again) does her job.What a wild ending!

Hellblock 13 starts in a prison as the state executioner (Gunnar Hansen) walks around death row surveying the female inmates. He comes across Tara (Debbie Rochon) a particularly nasty serial killer & someone who is due for execution by electric chair that very day, however Tara wants to leave a legacy behind her. That of a book she has wrote & hopes will be published, she decides to read the executioner some of it...The first story is entitled 'Watery Grave' & has selfish Mother of two Sherry Simpson (Amy R. Swaim) wanting a nice peaceful life with her new, & rich, boyfriend Bob Simms (Kirk Bair) so her kids have to make way. However her offspring want revenge for their untimely deaths...The second segment is called 'White Trash Love Story' & features Heidi Mae (Jennifer Peluso) who is abused & beaten by her husband Joe Mark (David G. Holland) & just has to put up with the black eye's. That is until Heidi Mae discovers that a witch (co-writer Michael R. Smith) lives just across the road...The third & final story goes by the name of 'Big Rhonda' which features a gang of bikers making a drugs pick-up to Mexico when they stop off en-route to pay homage to a former member Big Rhonda (J.J. North) who watches over & protects them...Edited, co-written, co-produced & directed by Paul Talbot I thought Hellblock 13 wasn't a particularly good example of the anthology sub-genre. The script by Talbot, Smith & co-producer Jeffrey Miller misses the point of these anthology films, each story needs to be pacey & have a nice twist ending. Unfortunately these basic requirements are sadly lacking in Hellblock 13. The first story Watery Grave is so predictable it's untrue, you will easily guess what will happen within the first few minutes & it plays out exactly like you anticipate it to. Having said that I think this is the best segment & with a bit more time & better plotting could have made for an effective tale. White Trash Love Story is strange & has little in the way of a twist at the end & I thought this segment was all rather pointless although it's not as predictable as Watery Grave. Then there's Big Rhonda which again I just found too predictable, as soon as the word sacrifice is mentioned I knew the outcome, besides that Big Rhonda is the weakest of the three segments & just dull. All three stories lack any sort of life or effective twists & in this particular type of film that's an absolute killer. The first two stories also deal with unpleasant subject matters, the murder of children & wife beating. I know it's only a film & I'm not against exploitation but these issues sat uneasily with me in such a trivial & poorly made film. On a positive note it's watchable & since each segment only lasts for about 25 minutes it's not that boring.Director Talbot doesn't do anything to distinguish the film & as a whole Hellblock 13 lacks any sort of tension, excitement or atmosphere. The closest it ever comes is in Watery Grave which at least takes place at night & tries to create a spooky mood & I also liked the way the children sent threatening messages by rearranging toy blocks with letters on to spell words. There isn't much blood or gore, a couple of decapitated heads, a few poorly made-up zombies, some green slime vomiting, skin bulging, an awful looking witch & a few stabbings.Hellblock 13 is a poorly made film throughout & deserves the straight-to-video status that it got. The music, special effects, cinematography, sets & general production values are poor. Apparently it was filmed in 1997 but was released in 2000 by Troma which says everything you need to know. The acting is awful from everyone involved but Rochon looks quite nice I suppose.Hellblock 13 is an attempt to make an old school horror anthology like Dr. Terror's House of Horrors (1965), Asylum (1972), The Vault of Horror (1973), Tales from the Crypt (1972), Creepshow (1982), Creepshow 2 (1987) & Body Bags (1993) but, it goes without saying, it fails although at least it's watchable.

I had heard nothing but good things about this film, so being a Troma and Debbie Rochon fan, I picked up the DVD. Truthfully, I was expecting the sick-out, slapstick, comedy that Troma delivered with a vengeance in TERROR FIRMER, but it was not here. And I was very happy. I loved TERROR FIRMER, but I wanted a true, back-to-the-roots horror story. This is exactly what you get with HELLBLOCK 13.This anthology movie consists of 3 dark and twisted tales told by a female serial killer (Debbie Rochon), before her execution. Each story is starightforward and to the point. The horror is there, though at times the gore is lacking. And at times the originality is not there.Story #1: A mother drowns her two children so she can have the life that she wants, with her new boyfriend. However, things don't go accordign to plan when her children arise from their watery grave to seek revenge.This was a pretty decent short. The atmosphere of this film was creepy and the story disturbing. However, this story has bee told before, in different films, in different ways. Still, a good horror yarn.Story #2: White Trash Love Story--An abused 19 year-old white trash girl is married to an abusive, redneck husband. Sick of all the beating and berratings, Hedie Mae seeks the help of a neighborhood witch to solve her problem. Though, things don't work out as planned!This was a good story as well. Though at times a little slow, it still worked. The witch costume was lame and looked really cheap and cheesy, but the ironic twist of the story was delievered like a punch to the stomach. Story #3: Big Rhonda--A biker gang, on a run to Mexico to pick up dope, make a pit stop in a "Biker Graveyard" to preform a ritual to their own diety. A bad-ass biker chick who died many years ago in a terrible accident. Big Rhonda! Though, there newest member, Chaney, isn't exactly who they though the was. But Rhonda knows!The longer of the three stories, this one was pretty good, though lacked in the scary and creepiness of the other two stories. However, this was one of those stories that leads up to an ending. Not alot BS or filler. It is a story with a quick, complete ending, that isn't really explained. It keeps you wondering!Overall, this is a good movie, with some good stories. At times it does seem like you're watching an episode of Tales From the Crypt, with a smaller budget. Still, the stories are acceptable and the end...between Debbie Rochon and Gunnar Hansen is In Your Face Creepy and and excellent end to these tales.8 out of 10