So much average

Good story, Not enough for a whole film

Absolutely Brilliant!

The first must-see film of the year.

This movie is obviously a low budget splatter-flick as clearly expressed on the cover. I don't understand why reviewers are expecting great acting and Hollywood special effects. This is a project done by people who really just love what they do, and they do it for free. If you're looking for Hollywood stuff then watch Hollywood stuff. I personally enjoy this movie very much and I suggest it often because I personally know what it's like to create with no capitol. I rarely see a big budget film that sticks in my mind long enough to recommend it to others. Niko's decapitates and disembowels New York with no big names and zero budget. Andreas Schnaas writes, directs, acts and creates his own special effects. He will make it happen with rocks and dirt if he has to. Hollywood needs a thousand hands and millions of dollars and can't even do remakes well the majority of the time. Peace.

You've got to admire Andreas Schnaas: despite no discernible talent for film-making, he's been churning out low-budget gore movies since 1987. I first experienced his bargain basement horror 15 years ago with the abominable 'Zombie 90' , and I recently picked up 'Nikos the Impaler' in the hope that maybe he had improved somewhat over the last decade and a half. No prizes for guessing that he hasn't!This tale of a bloodthirsty 11th century barbarian brought to life in present day New York features some of the worst direction, editing and acting it has ever been my misfortune to witness. Schnaas and his team seem to have no idea how to piece a film together, but somehow, despite this (or because of this), 'Nikos' turned out to be fairly entertaining—a case of a film being made bearable due to its utter crapness. Of course it doesn't hurt that Schnaas loads his film with joke-shop gore and includes a gratuitous shower scene for the blokes (albeit one featuring a skanky woman with bad tattoos).Schnaas's first film to be made in America, 'Nikos' starts off slowly, and the first half an hour is a real chore to sit through. After that, the blood starts to flow and fans of no-budget gore-fests will love the OTT death scenes. The unrealistic no-frills splatter FX come thick and fast and are good for a laugh, if nothing else.Nikos, the big bad Romanian who is resurrected when blood is accidentally splashed on his mask at a museum/gallery, slices and dices his way through the cast, splashing blood and body parts all over the place. After slaughtering the people in the gallery, he continues his killing spree on the streets of the Big Apple, wasting the occupants of a cinema, the staff of a gym and finally some people in a video shop. At this point the movie goes completely bonkers, and Schnaas throws in some ninjas, a vampire and Hitler for good measure!Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Well, for a while it is, but the lack of a decent plot and any evidence of technical ability from the makers ensures that proceedings become tedious before long. There's only so many inept beheadings you can take before you start longing for the end credits to roll instead.

I do not use the term "Worst film of all time" lightly. Make no mistake, Nikos the Impaler is truly, the worst motion picture I have ever seen. And it's shocking to me this isn't in the IMDb bottom 250, let alone bottom 5. I guess some people see gore and that's all they need. Which is understandable, if you're a psychopath. So where to start? Well, lets start with the partially lobotomized director's approach at writing. I dared to put on the commentary. When he came to an early character scene, he said the following "this is one of those blah blah scenes, when we're waiting for the cool bloody stuff to happen". I'm slightly paraphrasing, but why the hell is this guy even making movies? Simply to stage over the top gore, and often rather fake looking gore? The man looks at character scenes simply as filler. Not ways to further the story, to involve the audience in their plight, to make you understand them so you can understand what they do. It's all negligible to him, and damned does it show. Because these are the most poorly illustrated, non descript, two dimensional characters you'll ever see. And there's a handful of performers who show potential here and there, but they're squandered. For a movie trying to emulate a film look, they do a terrible terrible job. And most of the characters heads are cut off! (I mean by the framing of the picture, later in the picture, their heads will be cut off.. perhaps its foreshadowing) But after doing a little research, it may in fact be the dumbbell director's fault and not the director of photography. The framing went south in a poorly done DVD transfer. After an extremely uninvolving, unbelievably poorly directed opening act, Nikos is brought back to life, and begins hacking up people in New York. Folks, that's the whole rest of the movie. I'm not kidding. Not to mention, there's one obligatory nudie shower scene simply for the hell of it. Andre, if I ever meet you in person, I want to let you know, you are the absolute worst director, in human history. Yes, I understand it's an extremely low budget film, but for the love of God, put some effort into something other than over the top, horribly unbelievable blood splatter. This movie is a crime against motion pictures in general and its success will only mean we're going to see more work from this disgustingly untalented filmmaker. And you know what's funny? I hear this is his best film! Dear Lord.

I don't know a whole lot about Andreas Schnaas, other than he likes his Nazis, gore, and nudity. I'd heard a bit about Nikos, but never bothered picking it up, based on the very opposing reviews posted on the IMDb. Well, times are hard and I was really reaching for something new to chew on. The result? The Nikos Special Edition DVD. Wow. What to say? The movie has got to be one of the strangest films I've ever seen, with more audacity than Pink Flamingos and more bloodshed than any ten slasher pix combined. It not only features a token gay couple who consistently walk into the women's bathroom (WHAT HUMOR!), but an elderly couple who are sliced to pieces (WHAT HORROR!), and a random ten-minute shower scene inserted into the middle of the movie for no reason whatsoever (WHAT... THE HELL?).The movie is about a barbarian (played by Schnaas) who comes back from the dead with a tin-foil covered sword to violently kill random people for no reason what-so-ever. Joe Zaso, The Unquestioned King of No-Budget Cheese, and Felissa "Wasn't she in a GOOD movie once?" Rose headline the ensemble cast of nobodies, with hardly a single character making until the final reel. After chopping apart a warehouse disguised as an art gallery, Nikos takes to the streets and heads to... a lesbian bar? Sure, why not. The final confrontation appears to take place in an alleyway lifted from the set of a high school production of West Side Story. Whew.There's nowhere else to go from here, so I suppose you should feel free to see it if any of this made you laugh in humor or wince in pain. It will serve you well.Oh yeah, it also has ninjas, Hitler, a vampire, non-stop buckets of gore, and some of the worst acting this side of Plan Nine from Outer Space.Yet after all that, I'm glad I saw it. It won't easily be forgotten.