It's no definitive masterpiece but it's damn close.

Best movie ever!

It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

If you like to be scared, if you like to laugh, and if you like to learn a thing or two at the movies, this absolutely cannot be missed.

I usually have a lot of time for cheesy mid-1970's Euro-thrillers, but this one was a very poor effort. It involves a string of murders and the usual red herrings and sleaze, but the presentation is amateurish and without any atmosphere at all.The film begins with a suicide leap from the Eiffel Tower. We cannot see who jumps, but it's only 2-3 minutes into the film and we already have Terrible Special Effect Number One: the suicide leap is depicted by means of a cartoon black silhouette of a man superimposed over a still image of the tower...my jaw dropped. The plot switches to a brothel where the madam (a rather hefty looking Anita Ekberg with a massive hairdo) and her girls are entertaining some rich clients. A less rich and more troublesome customer called Antoine gatecrashes the party and asks for his favourite girl. After some sexy embracing during which time he lavishes stolen jewelry on her, the atmosphere turns sour when she tries to leave the bedroom. Some slapping follows, and Antoine overacts wildly, while attempting to keep his todger covered at all times (failing at least one, which is quite amusing). He eventually flees the brothel, and when the staff come to investigate they find the girl has been murdered.Things go into a decline from here on as some dull police inspectors investigate the murder, and chase after Antoine. Watch out for Terrible Special Effect Number Two as Antoine is shown escaping on a motorbike. In close ups of his face its obvious that he's not even moving and is being filmed in front of plain white and plain black (?) backgrounds instead of the supposed leafy countryside. And wait for a real laugh-out-loud moment with Terrible Special Effect Number Three: a truly lame decapitation.The film plods on, trying to spin a web of mystery and shock. There are more murders. They aren't interesting in the slightest and they are certainly not "sex murders" as suggested by the film's title. At one point a doctor is shown dissecting a human eye. This is depicted by terrible Special Effect Number Four: the use of a bloodied-up sheep's eye which is mauled apart by some amateur stage hand with what seems to be a very blunt scalpel, resulting in bits of goo and gristle getting squished all over the plate it is resting on...some fine medical handiwork there! The acting is uniformly bad, and of course the dubbing is terrible...truly awful. Try this sample English dialogue from a scene in which Antoine is captured: "No I didn't kill her. Are you mad? I'm not guilty! You'll find out I'm not guilty! No I'm not the murderer! You won't believe I didn't commit it!" It's like listening to a rabid Yoda! Especially when he snarls: "From the grave I'll come back!" Was this really the best they could do? Most pointless of all is that the police investigation is presided over by a Humphrey Bogart look-alike, complete with slicked back hair, long raincoats, the lot. There's no explanation for why he's dressed up as a clone of Bogart and it makes no contribution to any part of the film's plot. I sat through the whole thing waiting for it to get better, but it never did. Of course there's a big revelation at the end but it's not much of a pay off for the preceding 90 minutes. The only diversions from the tedium are the very 1970's feel (everybody smokes!), and some groovy music and lots of attractive actresses, but very little else. Do yourself a favour and avoid this one.

THE FRENCH SEX MURDERS (Ferdinando Merighi - Italy 1972).Formerly, the usual UK title was THE BOGEY MAN AND THE FRENCH MURDERS. There's also a Greek video with the sleeve title, CALL GIRLS FOR INSPECTOR BOGART. The inspector is not named Bogart, nor does he get any call girls, but who cares? It's a title that sells. There's a killer in Paris, a suicide from the Eiffel Tower, a brothel as the main setting, insane professors, an eye-ball thief, an inspector who looks like Humphrey Bogart (for no apparent reason), a truly creepy Anita Ekberg, and an impressive line-up of Euro-stars. How Dick Randall assembled this cast is beyond me, but he did it. Besides Anita Ekberg, there's Rosalba Neri (who even sings a song in a nightclub), Barbara Bouchet, Evelyn Kraft, Howard Vernon, and Robert Sacchi as inspector Pontaine or Humphrey Bogart. The title is pretty accurate. The murders take place during, before or after sex in a brothel in Paris. In between, the Bogey-man snoops around trying to track down the killer, but he is not too bright. You'll probably have figured it out long before he does.The film's producer was American Dick Randall who took residence in Rome in the '60s but basically was wherever the deals where made, which meant Rome in the '60s, Bangkok and Hong Kong in the '70s and London in the '80s. Whilst residing in Italy, he payed close attention and decided to take a shot at the giallo as well, and produced this piece of cinematic soufflé. It's a perfect example of totally round the bend Euro-tosh, with a rather tame execution actually. The direction is not wildly imaginative, a workman's job at best, so don't expect outrageous Italian craftsmanship and style here, but some spicing-up in the editing by Bruno Mattei.The special effects were done by future Oscar-winner Carlo Rambaldi of ET fame. I guess he learned a lot since this one. Of course, the presence of Robert Sacchi, among some other ingredients (mostly the cast) give this film a certain weird identity of its own. All together, it's pretty much a poor man's interpretation of an Italian Giallo.The version on Mondo Macabro's DVD never existed in this form. From various copies, they assembled the longest version they could possibly paste together. There's an English audio-track, but a couple of scenes appear in Italian with subtitles.Camera Obscura --- 5/10

Despite the fact that this Giallo is often lambasted, I actually had rather high hopes for it; just due to the sheer number of cult names on the cast list and the fact that the more convoluted Giallo's are often the best. However, while this film does have a vast array of ideas on display, director Ferdinando Merighi isn't able to round everything up into one coherent plot line. Furthermore, not many of the genre trademarks have made it into the film; as it's not very colourful, the mystery is obvious from the beginning and despite the fact that the plot focuses on a brothel; there isn't a great deal of nudity. The film gets off to a good start, and after the first half hour I was really expecting a more than decent Giallo. We are introduced to Antoine Gottvalles; a customer at the aforementioned brothel. He's in love with prostitute Francine (the gorgeous Barbara Bouchet, whom I'm in love with) and after her murder, he becomes the prime suspect while the real killer manages to escape. It's not long before the murders continue and police inspector/Humphrey Bogart look-alike Inspector Pontaine gets on the case.The cast list is among the most impressive of any Giallo. The most exciting element for me was the fact that Amuck co-stars Rosalba Neri and Barbara Bouchet were reunited, even if the latter does only last a few minutes. 'Killer Nun' Anita Ekberg gets a supporting role alongside 'Dr Orloff' Howard Vernon, while the film introduces the lovely Evelyn Kraft. The film is rounded off by a bizarre performance from professional Humphrey Bogart look-alike Robert Sacchi. Quite why the Inspector looks like Bogey is never actually explained; my theory is that it either has something to do with the alternate title (Bogeyman and the French Murders), or director Ferdinando Merighi really wanted Bogart in his movie, but couldn't get him...for obvious reasons. The problem with Sacci in the lead is that, unfortunately, he can't act...and he doesn't look that much like Bogart anyway. The plot manages to move along without getting too dry despite being highly derivative, and the film does have a number of standout death scenes; even if they are extremely unprofessional in their handling. The Parisian setting is good and provides a little beauty to offset the mundane plot. The ending is a little obvious...but it's fun enough to watch and overall, I won't say that The French Sex Murders is a great example of the Giallo...but it just about qualifies as a decent one.

SPOILERS INCLUDED A masterpiece of the 70's European horror film, Bogeyman and the French Murders sadly remains a rarely screened film, doubly odd given that it has enough style, stars and strangeness to be the epitome of that era. Co-producers Dick Randall and Marius Mattei assembled some of Eurosleaze's most famous faces, Anita Ekberg, Rosalba Neri, and Howard Vernon, or The Killer Nun, Lady Frankenstein and Dr Orlof respectively in what could have been called Humphrey Bogart Fights Back From the Grave. Welcome to the world of Antoine Gottvalles, a lovesick minor jewel thief who we first meet looting a Paris bank. Escaping with a handful of jewels, he heads over to the brothel of Madame Colette in an attempt to lure his girlfriend, a prostitute (Goliathon's Evelyn Kraft) out of a life of vice. When Kraft doesn't want anything to do with him or his err... jewels a butt naked Antoine goes berserk `you are nothing but a broad.. a bloody whore'. Later when the tart without a heart is found with her faced bashed in, the police are called to investigate, bringing unwanted attention to Madame Collette and no surprise since her whorehouse is swinging with Parisian perverts who dress in psychedelic Satanic robes and sex kittens in heat. But wait, in all the towns in all the bars who should be investigating the French murders than an Inspector who acts, looks and dresses like Humphrey Bogart! All the fingers of guilt point to quick tempered Antoine and after a keystone cops chase that has to be seen to be disbelieved Antoine is caught by Paris's finest and sentenced to death (by the guillotine!) but vows to his former friends `from the grave I'll come back'. Later Antoine escapes and is chased around until his motor-cycle runs head on with a pane of glass that lops his head off, but director FL Morris isn't finished with us yet and much to the amazement of the all star cast and `Inspector Bogart' the French Murders continue with the black gloved killer (who keeps a pair of eyeballs in his pocket) disposing of those involved in Antoine's trail. Soon heads are severed with swords, throats are cut and corpses appear with their eyeballs missing. The late Vernon turns up as Doctor Waldemar who requests to experiment on Antoine's severed head! only to end up frantically dissecting Antoine's eyeballs after his assistant reports them moving! Hard as this maybe to swallow Bogeyman was announced as an adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe's The Evil Eye, surprising as no such book appears to exist. Still Bogeyman contains one feature noticeably absent from any Poe film treatment, the incredible Robert Sacchi a Bronx born actor whose resemblance to Bogart has to be one of the most spookiest things committed to celluloid, not even Madame Tussards could have come up with a more uncanny likeness. It was certainly enough to earn him the nickname `The Man With Bogart's Face' he even played the title role in a 1980 movie of the same name, but Randall and Mattei were the first to really milk the Bogart comparisons for all their worth. Some may have actually believed the Hollywood star was alive and well and appearing in Euro exploitation movies. Even the plodding detective angle, usually the stepping stone of lesser known giallo into boredom is given a kick by the absurdity of Sacchi's `L'Homme Au Visage de Bogart', less a character than a living breathing film homage lost in a world of psychedelia, bell bottoms and the fleshpots of Pigalle. For a film that captures a time and place in all its kitsch glory, what is amazing is that Bogeyman isn't even a French film, stock shots were later added (by Eurocine) to give the film a Paris by night feel, no easy feat for a movie that begins and ends on the Effel tower. Bogeyman's set must have been an exciting place to be on, not just for the bouncing severed heads, a host of international actresses with their clothes off and a Bogart impersonator but the collection of people behind the camera. The grisly effects were by an uncredited Carlo Rambaldi, the haunting music courtesy of Bruno Nicolai, plus years before he gave the world Women's Camp 117 or Zombie Creeping Flesh, Bruno Mattei's name can be found lurking in the editing credits as well. Bogeyman has a unique utterly mad hallucinatory quality, it forces you to except a world that is unreal. Why is Sacchi's inspector modelled on Humphrey Bogart!, Why is the entire courtroom scene shown in negative! Why would anyone want to operate on a severed head!- just sit back and enjoy the many moments where you wonder if the filmmakers had completely lost any touch with reality. Bogeyman is crazy in a way that all of Dick Randall's Italian productions tend to be, but its also one of his finest post Wild, Wild World of Jayne Mansfield creations. Much like Lady Frankenstein and Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks Randall's influence seems to dominant the proceedings, no doubt because he also wrote the story under his Robert H Oliver pseudonym and cameo's in the film as a fez wearing Egyptian. Largely forgotten in the Randall back catalogue somewhere between The Wild Wild World of Jayne Mansfield and Pieces, Bogeyman merits the energy it takes to track down. For many seeing one of the stars of Slaughter Hotel badly lip-synching to a gloomy song in a Pigalle club will be enough of a recommendation, but Bogeyman shouldn't also be missed by fans of sexy Italian actresses, giallos, stock footage of the Effel Tower, gratuitous sex and violence or Humphrey Bogart!!!