Really Surprised!

Let's be realistic.

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

The movie's not perfect, but it sticks the landing of its message. It was engaging - thrilling at times - and I personally thought it was a great time.

Despite the novelty of it being filmed in North Korea, and a luridly fantastical premise, this is a strictly routine Italian 80s action movie in the wannabe-"Rambo" mode. There's a lot of extras being machine gunned and things exploding, but the action is quite dull. It's strange, too, that given the "Rambo"-esque air, and the casting of handsome lead male actors who often appeared in these sorts of movies (and/or martial arts-based ones or "Conan" ripoffs), that the over-the-top muscle machismo factor is zilch. There's almost no mano-a-mano fighting, and nobody takes their shirt off (except briefly the male villain in a non-action scene) or even exposes some bicep in a tank top. What kinda "Rambo" ripoff IS this?!? Perhaps shooting in North Korea meant that showing too much skin (of either sex) was forbidden. Another disappointment is that the mildly sci-fi conceit (the heroes are tasked with stopping a diabolical ttempt to create a "master race" by experimenting on kidnapped young women) is only talked about, never depicted, so hopes of any "Boys from Brazil" and/or women-in-prison type cheese go entirely unfulfilled. The female villainness is at least visually memorable: She wears so much makeup she'd seem like a drag queen even without her long blonde hair making her look weirdly like Fabio's twin sister. Alas, even she isn't as much fun as she should be. This is the kind of movie that should be a guilty pleasure, but it's so completely forgettable and void of any eccentric, campy or humorous (intentional or otherwise) qualities that it's just kind of a slog.

When a scientist invents a serum, extracted from the bodily fluids of both humans and animals, that can recreate the "master race" of the Nazis, an American hero named Lou Mamet (Zags) travels from his native Mattituck, Long Island, all the way to North Korea, of all places, to stop the scientist. Helping him out along his way is fellow soldier of fortune (?) Ricky (Kristoff), but they're going to have to face off against the evil Jason (Gregory) and a ton of local North Korean goons. And what does the mysterious Glenda (Siani) have to do with any of this? Thankfully, Lou Mamet and Ricky have plenty of firepower to pull off the mission...or do they? Find out today! Interestingly, Ten Zan was indeed shot in North Korea (or NoKo as we call it). This was a smart move on behalf of then-Supreme Leader Kim Il-Sung. Unlike his successors Kim Jong-Il and Kim Jong-Un, Kim Il-Sung clearly realized that the way to become a valued part of the international community and endear yourself to the rest of the world was to get Frank Zagarino in there and blow the crud out of some huts. Whether this was truly in the spirit of international brotherhood, or just a ruse to make people think they're not a rogue state on the world stage, it was truly the best - nay - the ONLY logical move. It has been said that Kim Jong-Il was a huge movie buff and had a VHS collection consisting of thousands of titles. It has even been said that he loved action movies, the First Blood series in particular. Perhaps his love of movies culminated when he kidnapped a film crew and actors from South Korea and forced them to make a movie in the North. But the real question is: Is Ten Zan: Ultimate Mission in that large collection? Odds are it is. There's a very good chance that a madman with nukes has seen Frank Zagarino, Romano "Rom" Kristoff, and Mark Gregory romping around in an Exploding Hutter. It truly boggles the mind.While Ten Zan doesn't quite scale the lofty heights of the truly awesome Commander (1988) (though it would be unfair to compare every Italian Exploding Hutter to that masterpiece), we can still chalk up another in the win column for Frankie Zags. Thankfully, he's as wooden as ever. We wouldn't have it any other way. Of course, once again, he gets tortured. Backing him up is Mark Gregory - Trash and Thunder himself - almost unrecognizable here with short hair and very clean-shaven. The presences of those two stars amongst a panoply of exploding huts is enough right there to recommend the movie, but the North Korean connection just puts the weirdness level over the top.Ten Zan was the last film of director Ferdinando Baldi, coming not long after his Warbus (1986). We'd say Ten Zan is a bit better than the one-note Warbus, but they're certainly cut from the same cloth. Without a doubt, there are enough blow-ups to go around. You just have to love the 80's. It's just so cool to see the words ULTIMATE MISSION on the screen. Ultimate Mission. You just wouldn't see that in a movie released today. Unfortunately, the movie didn't get wide distribution - only officially released in the Netherlands and Japan (the Japanese get everything!), with no U.S. VHS release. That is a shame, as it could have developed into something of a cult classic - but did the North Koreans purposely prevent it because they hate America? Perhaps we'll never know.Ten Zan: Ultimate Mission is an Italian Exploding Hut movie that was filmed in a rarely-seen location, featuring some of our favorite stars of the genre. If you can see it, see it.

OK little italo action time-waster, the film's history is probably more interesting than the film itself since it was shot in north Korea with the blessing of Kim Il-sung! It's about an evil drug dealer/nazi who uses "deer-serum" (!) to create a race of übermensch and of course a good guy blowing lots of stuff up. In the tradition of Andrea Bianchi's similar Megele: Angel of Death we get to see very little of these nazi experiments, but more of screaming men with machine guns and huts blowing up. We also get to see two of Italys worst actors, Mark Greogry and Sabrina Siani, together at last (though Sabrina is so fine you don't care if she can't act and Mark Gregory is at least cool as Trash and Thunder in better Italian 80s action flicks... but completely free of charm here). If only Conrad Nichols would have shown up the circle of Italian loser actors would have been complete.

I can't believe that there actually are five other people who have seen and bothered to rate this film. I saw It a few years ago at the Gothenburg Film Festival in their section for Korean film and had a blast.The story in short: Some kind of evil people, I forget who or why, have found out a way to extract bodily fluids from the base of the brain of unsuspecting victims. This fluid is then used for some reason or another. A couple of western heroes have to stop this in true 80's action style, big explosions and violence ensue.The only real reason to see this extreme turkey is that it is actually financed by the North Korean state! True! They apparently gave money to an Italian director who brought along what must be a bunch of Italian porn stars and tried to make an action extravaganza. Just an example: There is a car chase, but it really isn't that exciting since they drive around on an empty high way (I doubt there are that many vehicles in the country to begin with) and the ancient cars sway like they hadn't even heard of suspension and could topple over at any time. Also the cars top speed seems to be 50 kph at the most so you could probably catch them with your bike. This is the only film ever where you have people running around showing up outdated communist hardware and where you have so many hilarious moments of unintended homo eroticism and a female porn star proving why they never, ever even try to act in porno.Seriously, this is so bad it's good but yet still gives you angst for seeing it. Actually, when I think about it, you should see it. If you can.