Simply A Masterpiece

It's no definitive masterpiece but it's damn close.

When a movie has you begging for it to end not even half way through it's pure crap. We've all seen this movie and this characters millions of times, nothing new in it. Don't waste your time.

Good films always raise compelling questions, whether the format is fiction or documentary fact.

Fat small-town sheriff Lawrence Whitney aka "Larry the Cable Guy" (as Larry Stalder) rescues beautiful blonde Ivana Milicevic (as Madeline) from what he believes are kidnappers. She is actually a "Witness Protection" woman waiting to testify against some big oil baddies. Accompanying "Larry" makes it more like "Witless Protection" (get it?) for Ms. Milicevic. This leads to danger and misadventure for the duo. In a smaller appearance than the film's promotional material suggests, Jenny McCarthy shows off her curves. Eric Roberts and Yaphet Kotto are among those trying not to embarrass themselves. "Witless" is too elevated a description.* Witless Protection (2/22/08) Charles Robert Carner ~ Larry the Cable Guy, Ivana Milicevic, Yaphet Kotto, Eric Roberts

This film is unfunny as Hell, with insensitive low-brow jokes and slapstick humor, that not a single joke made me laugh. Larry must be some Ku Klux Klan member of the higher echelons, with his racist remarks and incredulously stupid attempts to make funny jokes.There were many jokes that was insensitive, and I would like to point out one scene where he checked into a motel owned by a middle-aged Moslem. The owner didn't accept cash and only accepted cheque as a policy to check-in. Larry threatened to call his FBI friends to round the owner up under the suspicion of sheltering terrorists and having illegal weapons. It was bad enough that the world's perspective towards Moslems were of Moslems being terrorists, making jokes about it is just unwarranted! It was an hour and a half of time wasted, and I hope that the others find other films to watch.

Larry Stalder is a small town sheriff's deputy with a sagging midsection and a grandiose dream of one day becoming an agent for the FBI. He doesn't exactly enhance his chances of fulfilling that dream when he "rescues" a woman whom he mistakenly believes has been kidnapped by what he thinks is a gang of sunglass-wearing mobsters. In actuality, they are federal agents transporting a whistle-blower to a trial in Chicago where her testimony could spell big trouble for a powerful, Enron-type CEO with whom she was once romantically involved. A lengthy cross country chase ensues with the agents hot on the heels of this nitwit law enforcer and his unwitting "hostage." Armed with crime-fighting knowledge he's gleaned primarily from cable TV, and with a malapropism for every occasion, Larry bumbles his way from one outlandish situation to the next, somehow managing to stay one step ahead of the authorities at all times.Larry the Cable Guy has that rare ability to perform low comedy routines without having to resort to self-conscious mugging to garner laughs. Likewise, Ivana Milicevic, Eric Roberts, Joe Mantegna, Jenny McCarthy and a whole host of other comic actors throw themselves into their roles with a great deal of abandon and aplomb.The humor is broad (to put it mildly), but it is more often fleet-footed than flatfooted, and the whole enterprise is so dopey and good-natured that you may just find yourself chuckling right along with all the goofiness - provided, that is, you can put your brain on hold for the full hour-and-a-half that the movie takes to play itself out.

Now, I don't think this was a great movie. It's something to watch when you're at home with nothing to do and it happens to come on T.V. Maybe something to pick up out of the bargain bin at your local video store when it's for sale for $2.00. But that said, I did find it entertaining in places, and I don't think it deserves to be in the bottom 100 movies of all time.I try to generally be forbearing of all kinds of humor. But exactly what is funny about a disgusting, boorish, stupid buffoon with zero redeeming qualities who is exaggeratedly and impossibly inept at everything he does but nonetheless manages to be perceived as some kind of hero or genius by law enforcement/the populace is and has been lost on me since I was a child. That is what Larry the Cable Guy is in Delta Farce and Health Inspector. I guess this is also what makes people like his comedy, but on stage he is just some (fake) redneck talking and making redneck jokes, so I can at least understand people finding that humorous. He is not in charge of anything, he is not responsible for the health of a town, nor does not have an armed humvee filled with weaponry. I can't sympathize with his stupid characters.In this movie at least, I can sympathize with his goals, because they're actually human. He is a small town cop who naively dreams about being in the FBI. He is bumbling but nonetheless capable of moments of competence and of surprising cleverness. He has areas of actual expertise, a world view that can be understood, the morals and ethics of a decent (if backwards and unsophisticated) person. He feels like a real person. And I like that.Witless Protection isn't that funny a movie. But it's more entertaining than the majority of made for T.V. capers you see these days. It has its moments. I really don't see how it can possibly be lower rated than his other movies. It's not 'mindless,' more intelligent than Health Inspector and Delta Farce, and nowhere near the level of movies like Gigli and Daddy Day Camp.