In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

I have always liked Walter Matthau movies, and swash-buckling pirate movies, and comedy movies, so you can imagine that I would be in absolute hog-heaven with this movie which involves all three elements!I had always enjoyed Walter Matthau, from his Odd Couple days when he and Jack Lemmon bounced great acidic lines off each other to his Dennis the Menace days as Mr Wilson, and I also admired his very dramatic efforts in Failsafe and Charade. If something has Mr Matthau in it, I am there on the couch ready.I did not know that he could do accents, but I was pleasantly surprised to hear his efforts at an English pirate's drawl. Of course, I should not have been surprised that such an experienced and professional artist should accomplish such a task; it is, after all, his trade. He makes a great fist of it, and there is no trace of his native lower east-side New York accent at all. He is very convincing as a rather bumbling pirate captain, who somehow commands the respect of his rag-tag bunch of followers.He is ably assisted by "Froggy", his French sidekick, (Cris Campion), who survives their ordeals despite his captain, as they incite a mutiny and take command of the ship which rescues them, and its treasure. They are joined by the beautiful niece of the Governor of Maracaibo, (Charlotte Lewis), who falls for Froggy.This is a hoot of a pirate picture, and a romantic comedy, and the producers actually had the Spanish galleon built to full size by Maltese and Italian craftsmen. I believe that that is typically Roman Polanski though, going all out on the sets and damn the cost!"Pirates" did not do well at the box office due to Roman Polanski's troubles with the U.S. legal system at the time, which was unfair. It should not be ignored by the wider populous, and deserves a fair viewing on its own merits. I believe that anyone who watches it will be pleasantly surprised. I love this movie, and I give it a 10 out of 10.

When Pirates came out in 1986, critics panned it and it was a commercial failure. Much like What?, it's an unusual movie for Roman Polanski. He's not a filmmaker immediately associated with humor, except in a marginal way - the black humor in a crime movie like Cul-de-sac, or a parody of the vampire movie in The Fearless Vampire Killers. Pirates is too over-the-top and perhaps too late in history to have an impact. After all, when The Fearless Vampire Killers came out, the Hammer Studios were still cranking out awful horror movies worthy of a parody. But by 1986 who remembered or cared about the Errol Flynn movies that Pirates so clearly and lovingly mocks, updates and pays homage to? What I found fascinating about this movie was that Polanski wasn't just trying to return to the good old days of romantic pirates. Oh no, his pirates are rude, cruel, sadistic criminals. And if they perform dashing feat, it's to rob gold-made thrones stolen from tropical tribes and not to save romantic interests. In every genre he worked in, Polanski always brought realism, whether it be psychological, or just showing a protagonist wear a bandage on his face for days after having it slashed by a knife.It's this type of realism that Polanski brings to Pirates. He mixes the old romantic view with the cruel reality. As the movie begins, Captain Red (played by a hilarious Walter Matthau), contemplates eating Frog, his servant. They're on a raft, without food or water. For Red this is natural, it's survival, the strongest kills the weakest. And it sets the type of black humor the movie will have.In spite of the awful reviews this movie gets, I consider Pirates a very well-made and well-acted movie. Walter Matthau steals the show as Captain Red: he's cunning, vicious, violent, manipulative, always full of himself. The character is so larger than life that he can only be played for laughs, and Matthau understands this.The movie was nominated for an Oscar for its costume design, which deserved - the costumes are exuberant, colorful, inventive. But where is recognition for its use of make-up, or for the cinematography, or art direction. Visually speaking, this movie was splendid.The movie is perhaps longer than it had to be, and the fact that its characters have few redeeming traits may upset some people looking for a good family movie with a happy ending. But people who watch it without preconceived ideas may be surprised and get into the spirit of the movie's absurdity.

Walter Matthau played many villains in his career, but his performance of the greasy, dirty, thoroughly charismatic Thomas Bartholemew Red is one of the best. Pulling out all stops (presumably with the blessings of director Roman Polanski) Matthau acted as the personification of guile and greed. He is seen floating on a raft at the beginning with his one loyal crewman "Frog" (Chris Campion), and are rescued by a Spanish galleon that they learn is carrying a treasure (a golden throne) and the daughter of a Spanish Governor. Matthau gets started stirring up the crew's discontent, in order to take over the galleon. But despite his stratagems, it is not easy - due to the countermeasures of Don Alfonso De la Torres (Damien Thomas), who is as ruthless in his way as Matthau is.This film would be memorable for just one moment I never forgot - to stir up the crew to mutiny, Red and Frog "find" a dead rat in the crew's food. The rat is brought to the attention of Torres. Instead of stammering apologies, Torres asks the pertinent question if any other rats were found in the food or on the ship. The crew thinks about it, and have to admit none were. So there is only this rat. Torres looks at the rat, and points out it looks like it isn't' even the type of rat found on boats at sea. It looks like a land rat - in which case, the rat was planted. So who found it? Red and Frog are brought forward. Torres does not beat them. He takes his sword, and cuts the dead rat in half. He gives half to each man, and tells to eat it. With some self-control, both men finish their half of the rat!Later was another scene regarding camera angles and bathtub shots. Roy Kinnear was playing a seventeenth century fence, who is useful to Matthau and the other pirates, but universally disliked (he gets his cut from the treasures, but he never puts his own life on the line regarding getting the treasures). Kinnear is taking a bath when Captain Red is announced. He knows that Red particularly dislikes him. A moment later Red is standing before the naked Kinnear in his steaming tub. While a disgusted Kinnear watches (we see Red from the back) the pirate urinates into Kinnear's bathtub.Any film with two sequences like that is unforgettable and entertaining.

This is the story about the pirate captain Thomas Bartholomew Red, played by Walther Matthau, and his struggle to get a famous aztec treasure from the hands of the Spanish nation. Escaping from a desert island with his faithful french sailor "the Frog", his soul purpose in life becomes that of getting his hands on the treasure, a throne of solid gold. Walther Matthau plays extraordinarily well in his role as the great captain, with Cris Campion as the faithful right hand. This movie is extremely underrated, the fact that Pirates of the Caribbean is actually rated higher, is an outrage. The Disney tale of ghosts and magic is just a fairytale. Pirates on the other hand, gives us a view of the fight between the classes, aristocrats versus the common laborer, all based in the pirate age of the caribbean.This movie gets a 8/10 from me.