The Worst Film Ever

Best movie ever!

It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.

The plot isn't so bad, but the pace of storytelling is too slow which makes people bored. Certain moments are so obvious and unnecessary for the main plot. I would've fast-forwarded those moments if it was an online streaming. The ending looks like implying a sequel, not sure if this movie will get one

"Beastmaster" (1982), one of the countless imitators of "Conan the Barbarian" (1982), is fairly decent 80s trash. It's an afternoon movie to watch while you're texting your friends or ordering camping gear on amazon. Tanya Roberts is smokin hot, fantastic to have her in this movie. A few tit shots for her which is great! Were these mandatory in the 80s? We should bring that back. Also, Rip Torn plays such a funny bad guy. He was in a sweet episode of Columbo in the 80s in which he plays the bad guy and it just makes me laugh.When I saw this as a kid, I was scared by the sucker guys that fold their cape things over you. I was also scared by the torture device scene when they put that green worm in that poor chap's ear. Yikes. Having seen it now it's pretty mild though.All in all - enjoyable turkey. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-check it ouuuuuuuut. 4/10

John Milius' 'Conan the Barbarian' may be chiefly responsible for the loincloth-clad hero renaissance in the early to mid 80s, but another film released that same year likely helped to cement it.Once a staple of cable TV (TBS aka "The Beastmaster Station", and HBO aka "Hey, Beastmaster's On!"), it spawned two dreadful sequels and a cheesy but watchable TV series before becoming just another bit of nostalgic pop culture flotsam and jetsam. Which is a shame, as it's actually a rather rousing and fun bit of b-movie hokum. Star Marc Singer brings a fantastic physicality, Tanya Roberts brings her, um, yeah, and who doesn't want to see the Dad from 'Good Times' in S&M gear?

To begin this review I'm going to talk about The Dark Knight Rises – a film I really enjoyed, so I gave it 8/10. And, in case you haven't already noticed, I'm also giving Beastmaster 8/10 So, does that mean the two films are as good as each other.No. The 8/10 I'm giving Beastmaster is a completely different 4/5 to what Christopher Nolan's last Batman outing got. This is because you can't really compare the two films. The Dark Knight Rises was an excellent film, made with a massive budget which allowed for great special effects, sets and an A-list cast who turned in excellent performances (the only reason I didn't give it 10/10 was because I didn't think it was quite as good as The Dark Knight). Beastmaster, on the other hand, is made on a shoestring budget, contains pretty awful special effects, terrible dialogue and actors who are mainly just there because their 'body-type' fits the part (if you know what I mean). Yet, despite all its (clearly obvious) flaws, it's just so much fun to watch.Marc Singer (who you'll probably only know if you saw the eighties sci-fi show 'V') plays Dar, a Conan-like figure who can communicate with animals (well... the ones which the story dictates he needs to. You may wonder why he can't make all the enemies' horses simply throw their riders, but never mind). He sets off on an adventure to kill someone, or avenge someone, or rescue someone else. It really doesn't matter.If you've seen films like Krull, Masters of the Universe, Red Sonja and other such eighties 'classics' then you'll know what to expect here. These films shouldn't be judged on the same scales as Hollywood blockbusters like the Dark Knight trilogy and so on. They should have their own so-bad-they're-good scale, in which this definitely deserves an 8/10.Not everyone will love it. It will probably only appeal to those who either (like me) watched it when I was a kid, therefore it carries plenty of nostalgia for me. Or those who simply like cheesy movies (especially ones set in the eighties). If you do, then Beastmaster will be a gentle way of filming an hour and a half.And, if you're male, you'll probably enjoy Tanya Roberts' 'performance' (or at least her choice of wardrobe).http://thewrongtreemoviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/

Story? Hey.. we have already seen Conan, The Barbarian, right? So whats new here? The acting? Zilch. Special effects? Zero. Female presence? Boring. The Beastmaster himself? Ineffectual - who must rely on two ferrets to do his job for him. I fail to understand if this film was targeted at kids or at adults? The hero is off to search for his enemies as usual. His travails, pointless fights and harmless flirtations fail to bring any sort of expression on his face, any fatigue of his body or any wear / tear of his garments. Even after emerging from vicious fights, somehow his doesn't ever have a scratch or dust on him. Truly a superman. But he does forget his parents, his village and his heritage, once he comes across a slave girl. Then its the girl all the way. Poor dude.. spoilt for choice, he falls flat for an expressionless female, because he hadn't seen any female in the buff for so many years. The villain is OTP and the side kick has to be a black. I am yet to see a film, in which the hero is a black and the side-kick is white.The pacing is slow, and there appear to be gaping gaps in the editing. Some of the sequences seem pointless, e.g. the dude comes across a cauldron with a human head floating in it.. Some black magicians appear.. a dwarf gets killed.. and then?? Then nothing.. The hero wakes up somewhere, all nice and shiny as usual. With a great smirk, as he is wont to be. Jesuz. The ferrets steal the show. The painted tiger lumbers about. The falcon cheeps like an eagle. And a rather adorable dog dies early in the proceedings. Comparing this film with Conan is an insult to Conan. Actually slept nicely after seeing this. Afterall, there was nothing in this film to excite my senses or keep me awake at night.